Working on it

In case you were wondering... I did rent the cabin. For Tuesday and Wednesday night. So, I should be MIA.

Now my concern is getting lost, car breaking down, etc... It's a long drive.

Now, my car was in worse shape when I drove three hours to an amusement park up north... and back then I had no safety precautions in place (Like enough extra money to fix the car in case we broke down, triple A, etc... We would have been stranded.) This was when we were newly weds, ha ha. Those were the days. Reckless and irresponsible.

Nope. Now I am completely terrified. I get lost easily. Now, I'll have a map, directions from multiple courses... you think I would calm down. Ha ha. Not me. And the car breaking down... since that fateful trip years and years ago, I have replaced many parts in my car (Even the engine!) so I should be calmer. So much is brand new in the car... but I am still terrified.

And my husband will no doubt be driving... and he is a lousy driver. I love him, but he really and truly is a horrible driver. I may have to force him to let me drive... for my sanity.

I'm just freaking out a little bit. So many things can go wrong, and I shouldn't think about them... but of course I am and will. Darn it.

Well, I need to get some sleep. I work the long shift tomorrow... work.

I haven't been there in weeks (I only work two days a week anyway...) It's amazing how easy it was to just jump right back in today. Of course, my coworkers don't know why I was gone. My boss does, but they don't. All they know is that I "had a medical emergency." So, of course they ask, "Are you feeling any better?" Ummm..... Don't want to go into it, so I just shy away and say tersely, "Sure." End of discussion. I guess it's not a huge lie. Physically I am much better.

Half truths... I've never been a fan of half truths and white lies. I'm more of a "brutal honesty is the best policy" kind of girl. It stings a little to use half truths and white lies... but I don't want to think of how painful it could be right now, to tell the truth to them. I don't want to imagine their stupid comments, their false pity, their mockery of my child I lost. If these were people I cared about, that cared about me, then I could answer honestly. Or if I needed to put them in their place... like that one time with that rude plembotomist... As it is, I'd rather keep my mouth shut. But, by not admitting the truth, I have the issue of my eyes welling up, against my will, as I say, "Sure."

By admitting my damage, I could lose control. Whether through the sadness or anger at inane comments. But denying it stings immensely too. I can't win.

By next week they'll stop asking. So I suppose I won't have to worry about it much longer.