Thursday, March 12, 2009

Make it stop

My last six hours have been hell. I just want it to stop, why can't it just stop. Oh god, it hurts so bad. The vi.c.odin isn't helping, and I'm in so much pain I can't sleep. I tried screaming, and it helped at first. It helped a bit for a couple of hours actually... it isn't helping anymore.

I passed the sac when it started. It was bigger than I was imagining it would be. I thought about getting it out of the toilet so I could bury it in the back yard, but I decided against it. I regret that now. I wish I had got it out. Oh, I'm never going to forgive myself for that.

I know that if I didn't use the cy.tot.ec and miscarried naturally I would be in just as much pain, or almost as much pain... so I don't regret that. But it does have me rethinking how strong I am. I don't think I can do this again. Oh god, it hurts. I'm in so much pain I think I am going to be sick. I don't think I have it in me to do this again, I really don't.

8 comments:

'Murgdan' said...

Oh I am so so sorry. I wish I could take away your pain.

Guera! said...

Surely they can give you something better than vicodin. That's like taking extra strength tylenol in my opinion. Call and get some percoset at least! Or morphine. Nobody should have to go through this! I am so very sorry.

Mrs. Olson said...

I'm so so so sorry that you are having to experience this physical and emotional pain again. You're post breaks my heart. I wish there was something I could do to help you through this. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

~H

Veronica said...

I am so so sorry.

Courtney said...

This post is breaking my heart. Know that I'm thinking of you and hoping your pain subsides.

Cara said...

Oh Sweets - I'm crying for you, with you. Shall I scream out loud with you too?

Making choices in the midst of pain and grief is so difficult. Just get through this part, and the rest will be dealt with later.

xoxo

R and C said...

My heart hurts for you. I hope you finally have some relief today. I am so so sorry. ~hugs~

WiseGuy said...

This is so hurtful! Oh God, I wish your misery was over. {{Hugs}}