Thursday, March 27, 2008


If not being able to have a child makes me lucky... then you can have it. All the luck in the world... I don't want anything to do with it.

My own brother told me I was lucky... but he doesn't know the gaping hole that lingers in the soul. Does he understand what it's like to be inadequate, to walk the world as half a being. Not whole, not complete; instead... incompetent.

Why can't my body just do what it's supposed to do?
Why can't it just work?

I'm on CD25 now... in another half hour it'll be CD26. The month is almost over... I haven't Ov'ed. I doubt I will... but... maybe a doctor can help me next month.