Friday, March 20, 2009


Beta results, 5. Close enough to be negative. That feels like it was exceptionally quick... compared to the rest of the miscarriage.

I had a mini breakdown last night... I think it was a combination of the beta draw, my grief, and my depression. Oh, and my migraine. My pounding, splitting, nausea inducing migraine.

It hit me like a ton of bricks last night... I feel like my whole life, I just keep failing. Things keep falling through. They don't work out the way I want them to. Fail, fail, fail.

The only thing I have going for me is my husband. And that's scary. It really is. Having only one bright spot in your life, so fragile. So easily lost. What then? What's left, other than starting all over? I wouldn't even know where to begin. Right now, he's my supporting pillar. He's holding me up right now, more than anything else.

I hope my trip doesn't fall through. I need something, no matter how small, to just work out. That's all I'm asking. Just one little thing, let one thing go the way I planned it to. Let me have some hope back, a little faith in this world.


Kristin said...

Oh Steph...lots of {{{hugs}}}.

Guera! said...

oh dear, you are going through a lot. I hope your trip works out too.