Tuesday, March 17, 2009

It's becoming clearer

I am officially out of v.icod.in, just over the counter pain killers for me now. My mind is starting to clear up from the na.rcot.ic induced fog. I'm starting to think more clearly. And I'm not entirely sure if that is good or bad.

Day six after the miscarriage, still bleeding heavily of course. The price to pay for my super plush lining that should have been nourishing my little embryo. The cramping has lessened, I think... I hope. So, that is very good. Maybe it's almost over. Physically at least.

Emotionally... I cry at times, but I am still pretty numb. I didn't realize how jaded I have become, I wonder if I'll ever feel right again. I'm not even asking for normal (What is normal anyway?) No, I just want to feel human. I just want to feel like everything is going to be alright.

In my mind, I know that someday it will be... but I can't seem to reconcile my heart to that belief. At least not right now. Maybe someday, but not today.

And I'm starting to think that the cabin place I had my heart set on doesn't want my buisness. They aren't answering their phones, and I've emailed them and everything. You can reserve it online, but I am not reserving anything if I can't talk to a real person. Screw that.

I guess I'll have to start looking for a different cabin place. I had my heart set on that one, I like the look of their cabins more than the others... but I guess I can lower my expectations. I've gotten pretty used to doing that.


G$ said...

Glad you are coming out the fog a bit. Numbness emotionally is like a rollercoaster, up, down, twist around.

Reserve it online with a note that they must call you for CC info.

A weekend away sounds lovely.


Anonymous said...

What cabins are you trying to call? We usually stay at Getaway Cabins and their service has always been excellent. If you book online they will call you to talk to you about the cabins, their policies, etc. I really hope you guys get to go - you need the break and the time to decompress.

..al said...

I think it is going to take a little more of time, for everything to sink in. Drugs or no drugs, the floodgates tend to open at the smallest of triggers and at their own eventual pace.

Start looking for other cabins. It is the loss of those who did not answer to you on time.

Celia said...

Maybe the cabins that look so good online are really chock full of spiders and ugly naked people showering with the drapes open. Maybe the next place is much better and had no bugs except lazy bumblebees and butterflies.

Tara said...

I am sorry. I hope each day is easier than the one before.

Bluebird said...

I'm so sorry. I hope they call you back soon. I know you don't need "one more thing" right now. Sometimes it feels as if everything is going wrong. ((Hugs))

Michelle said...

A get away sounds like just what you need. I hope you can do that.

The Steadfast Warrior said...

I hope your cabin search works out for you.

Glad the cramping is getting less. Just want to give you the biggest (((HUG))).