Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Three months

The girls turned three months yesterday. I am still exhausted, but doing my best to function. The girls were sleeping through the night, then they stopped, now they seem to be back at it. They've also been cluster feeding before bed the last few nights. They're getting too big for their bassinets and we'll be moving them out of them this week.

I'm feeling very grateful and excited because I've now been nursing longer than I was able to with V. I have no problem with formula feeding, it was a huge relief when we switched to formula with V, but I am still very thankful that things have went so much better this time around. We haven't had to supplement at all, and my supply has managed to keep up. So, first goal met! My next goal is just every month from here on out, with a plan to nurse until at least a year.

The girls are growing well, getting ready to go up a size of clothes (although G is getting there sooner than J). They coo and laugh a lot, although G does tend to talk more. J is great at holding herself up, and can even roll over, while G isn't quite there yet. They're really starting to notice their surroundings, each other, and big brother V too. They are very different girls and it's amazing watching their personalities really come out.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014


It's been exhausting here. Napping when the kids nap isn't an option unfortunately. Even on the days that I get enough sleep, I still struggle to function. I struggle to make coherent thoughts sometimes, so sorry if this is rambley- WORDS ARE HARD.

My PCOS issues are rearing their ugly heads in the form of skin tags and dark skin patches. I can't take supplements for my PCOS, since I don't know how much of what may cross my breast milk. Instead I stay on my Metformin, and hope that it can get things in check. I'm also hoping it can help me keep my weight in check. I can't really do a thing about weight loss because I need 1,000 extra calories a day to maintain my breast milk supply for the girls. Exercising is hard because I have such a small window of opportunity to do anything between feedings, and I'd rather use the time to relax or clean. So, I just work at making healthier choices and hope I can maintain.

I gained 73 lbs while pregnant, I've lost 42 since then leaving me with 31 lbs left to go. I started at a size 16 and now I'm back up to a size 22. My lack of wardrobe sucks... I had kept some of my larger clothing though, so that is at least a saving grace. It's taking me awhile to recover my stamina and strength, but I think I'm slowly getting there. I'll be honest, my body dysmorphia rears it's ugly head from time to time too. I'm really good at shutting myself up though, because really my body is pretty amazing. In the past year I have grown and sustained two other human beings, and I'm continuing to sustain them even now... I need to lay off my body! It did something I didn't even know it was capable of, and I owe it a lot.

I'm still exclusively nursing the twins. They are growing and thriving, and my supply seems to be keeping up. J seems to be going through a growth spurt or something, because she's been wanting to cluster feed. I am eating like a hobbit while nursing them, because I am hungry ALL THE TIME. I seriously eat every 2-3 hours; it's like the first/second trimester with them all over again. Except physically I feel much better than I did then, heh.

I went in and finally got some blood work done with my primary doctor. I was really putting it off. I need to go ahead and get some stuff done for me, I'm just terrible about doing it. It's hard to get away from the girls since I'm nursing though, and I just put things off and put things off...

So that's where things are. The girls are napping right now, and V is chilling out... this is a rare moment. I think I should go do something else now... like snack haha.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Two months-

The girls are two months old today... it's been crazy here! They are sleeping much better though, they actually sleep from 11-midnight until 6-7am most nights! We're still nursing exclusively. My supply dipped a little, but the girls started cluster feeding while I started eating oatmeal every day, plus drinking more water, and well, that seems to be all I needed to do. I have Fenugreek on hand in case I need it. The girls coo a lot, they love mobiles and they are sooo ticklish. J loves her pacifier, while G would rather suck on her fist.

V is doing much better with them, although he does still get very jealous at times. I have to say considering how much change he's went through in the last 6 months, he's done very well.

As a treat we took V and the girls to the zoo for the first time this year. Oh my goodness, he freaked out over everything... he just loved it. We haven't hardly went at all since I was pregnant because it was too much walking and I had a lot of guilt about that. It was a nice treat though, he loved it so much. It was difficult having to stop and nurse and change everyone's diapers, plus physically I am still weak from the pregnancy... but I loved it. I really did. Seeing his face light up just made my day.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Belated One Month-

The girls turned a month old on the 30th, I just hadn't gotten around to posting. It's been crazy. I did our one month photos, and it was a lot harder to wrangle than it was doing V's one month photos! J is in the blue and G in the purple. I think a few of the shots turned out pretty good, but I really loved these two.

Things are okay. The girls don't sleep well at night, so that's been rough. I usually only get 3-4 hours of sleep a night, and I can't nap during the day since someone is always up. We're still exclusively breast feeding, so that's been going great. It can be really uncomfortable at times (my letdown is painful and excessive) but it's working so I won't complain.

The girls are growing great; G is HUGE compared to J though. Being fraternal twins that hasn't been a huge concern, J is growing it's just not at the same rate as G. Using my home scale I get varying answers because it's so sensitive, but G does seem to be 1-2lbs more than J. They have their one month check-up with their doctor tomorrow, so I'll be interested to see how they actually measure up.

They really are so different. It's not just the physical appearance, which is obvious, but also their demeanor and attitudes. Even their cries are so different. J is more fussy than G, although G will sound the alarm (and I mean ALARM) when she gets hungry. J used to have issues latching, but now G does... it's like they trade off on things/issues. J has been giving us fits about sleeping at night, but last night it was G that kept us up. Ahhh. Anyway...

V is adjusting still. He seriously forgets that they're here. He'll come up with his book flailing it around and try to flop it in front of me, but I'll be changing one of the girl's diapers and he'll almost hit them. Things like that. Last night I kept saying, "V. V. V, look your sister is here. Mommy can't read you that right now and you have to be careful. V. V, look your sister is right here." He eventually looked and actually focused on her then smiled and said, "A bay-bee seester!" I am constantly running interference because he just doesn't see them. He has started to interact with them more, he'll pick their pacifiers up, or he'll give them kisses if we ask him to, he tried to tickle their feet yesterday too.

His biggest struggle is not understanding why mommy can't do things with him. He wants me to read with him, or do puzzles, or color, but I'll be trying to get the girls to latch on, or I'm changing a diaper, or a girl is crying for something... then he'll get upset and start crying too. That's about how the three-child-cryfests usually start. I get a lot of mommy guilt about that, but I know this is just a passing phase and before I know it the girls will be older and eating better, they'll be playing more... and we'll get through this. I just feel bad.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

3 weeks

It's been three weeks now. A returned to work today; the girls, V, and I all survived. Huzzah!

I managed to wrangle the girls into position to tandem nurse on my own, I kept V from trampling them, and I even washed some dishes.

And of course it's been two days since then and I'm still working on this post. We're still surviving. Today has been a little rougher, the girls aren't latching as well (they prefer biting and pulling on me, which has caused a lot of pain/discomfort), and I'm trying to figure out if we're dealing with the poor latch or the beginnings of thrush. We're still nursing though. Last weekend we survived a batch of cluster feeding, started to see some semblance of a pattern for nursing but that's all sort of fallen to rot today. Hopefully tomorrow will go better.

I wrote a thank you note for my fertility clinic today. I may have shed a tear... because seriously how do you thank someone enough for such a gift? And I realize that yes they are paid monetarily for what they do, but our clinic really went above and beyond during our time there. And without them none of these kids would exist, there is absolutely no question of that. I tucked the note in with our birth announcement for the girls, just like I did with V, and it'll go in the mail tomorrow. We'll probably take the kids to visit Dr. M sometime in the coming weeks. I'm sure that will be full of all the feels since we don't plan on ever returning there.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Two weeks out-

We're still here! It feels like it's been over a month, but we're doing good.

The girls nurse constantly, much to my surprise I actually have a bit of an oversupply this time. It's been rough though, I won't lie. I have an overactive letdown, G can power through it (letting the excess dribble out her mouth) but we have started using a shield for J. J still struggles to latch, and after my milk came in she started struggling with my overactive letdown. I've read that I should express the excess off on a burp cloth, but my excess is like an ounce... so I either need to pump it off (which can exacerbate the issue, I've read) or I need to use this shield. So far we're doing well with the shield, although that does make nursing while out difficult since I can't really use it then... and she does not do well without it initially.

My day usually consists of changing a diaper, feeding them, burping, then changing yet another diaper, then topping them off with more nursing- this takes about an hour when all is said and done. Then they either nap, or they don't. Sometimes they trade off, one will stay up and the other sleeps, then the next session they switch and the other one stays up. It really drains me down when they do this at night. Anyway, then we do it all over again an hour or two later. They're actually getting ready to wake up again now.

My incision did get infected last week shortly after returning home. I had a bad fever, but we caught it very early and the antibiotics seem to have gotten it under control. I'm still very swollen, retaining a lot of water in my legs/feet, and my lower belly. My OB actually used dissolvable staples this time because my swelling was so bad in my lower belly. I lost 25lbs instantly in the hospital after having the girls, but still can't wear any of my pre-weight loss clothes. It's just as well, with the swelling and pitting from it, stretchy maternity clothes are the way to go.

A has another week of vacation, and I have to say he has been amazing. With the c-section I've been very limited in what I could do... but he's been wrangling V, helping me get the girls set up to tandem, waking at night to help me with them, doing all the cleaning, dishes, bringing me meals, laundry, you name it... man deserves a medal right now.

And G is now grunting and squirming... time for me to go! Another time.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Babies are here!

Sorry for being MIA, things have been crazy and I just now got on my computer since having the babies.

We went in on the 30th for our scheduled c-section at 38w+4d. We got bumped back a few hours for emergency c-sections, but obviously made it back eventually. I was pretty anxious and scared, but everything went, well, perfect. We happily welcomed two healthy baby GIRLS into the world in the afternoon.

Baby A, J.ane, came out first weighing 7lbs and 2oz, and Baby B, Gu.inev.ere, came out second weighing 7lbs even. J came out silently and didn't cry until they started cleaning her up. She was pretty mellow though. G came out wailing and sounding the alarm, as soon as daddy got to hold her she began licking the air and rooting. In recovery J had some issues latching (still does), but G dived right in, so I nursed them both for a good while in there.

Recovery wise it's been rough, but that's to be expected with a c-section. Still, things have been loads smoother this time around though, with V I was still barely able to get in/out of bed. My stay at this hospital has been much more pleasant, the nurses overall have been great, and it's just a nicer place overall. The girls are nursing every hour on the hour, most of the time tandem. I usually just need help getting them in my arms, but can get them latched on my own. My milk started to come in this morning finally, so hopefully they can start regaining some of the weight they lost now. I'll be heading home in the morning.