Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Belated One Month-

The girls turned a month old on the 30th, I just hadn't gotten around to posting. It's been crazy. I did our one month photos, and it was a lot harder to wrangle than it was doing V's one month photos! J is in the blue and G in the purple. I think a few of the shots turned out pretty good, but I really loved these two.

Things are okay. The girls don't sleep well at night, so that's been rough. I usually only get 3-4 hours of sleep a night, and I can't nap during the day since someone is always up. We're still exclusively breast feeding, so that's been going great. It can be really uncomfortable at times (my letdown is painful and excessive) but it's working so I won't complain.

The girls are growing great; G is HUGE compared to J though. Being fraternal twins that hasn't been a huge concern, J is growing it's just not at the same rate as G. Using my home scale I get varying answers because it's so sensitive, but G does seem to be 1-2lbs more than J. They have their one month check-up with their doctor tomorrow, so I'll be interested to see how they actually measure up.

They really are so different. It's not just the physical appearance, which is obvious, but also their demeanor and attitudes. Even their cries are so different. J is more fussy than G, although G will sound the alarm (and I mean ALARM) when she gets hungry. J used to have issues latching, but now G does... it's like they trade off on things/issues. J has been giving us fits about sleeping at night, but last night it was G that kept us up. Ahhh. Anyway...

V is adjusting still. He seriously forgets that they're here. He'll come up with his book flailing it around and try to flop it in front of me, but I'll be changing one of the girl's diapers and he'll almost hit them. Things like that. Last night I kept saying, "V. V. V, look your sister is here. Mommy can't read you that right now and you have to be careful. V. V, look your sister is right here." He eventually looked and actually focused on her then smiled and said, "A bay-bee seester!" I am constantly running interference because he just doesn't see them. He has started to interact with them more, he'll pick their pacifiers up, or he'll give them kisses if we ask him to, he tried to tickle their feet yesterday too.

His biggest struggle is not understanding why mommy can't do things with him. He wants me to read with him, or do puzzles, or color, but I'll be trying to get the girls to latch on, or I'm changing a diaper, or a girl is crying for something... then he'll get upset and start crying too. That's about how the three-child-cryfests usually start. I get a lot of mommy guilt about that, but I know this is just a passing phase and before I know it the girls will be older and eating better, they'll be playing more... and we'll get through this. I just feel bad.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

3 weeks

Monday:
It's been three weeks now. A returned to work today; the girls, V, and I all survived. Huzzah!

I managed to wrangle the girls into position to tandem nurse on my own, I kept V from trampling them, and I even washed some dishes.

Wednesday:
And of course it's been two days since then and I'm still working on this post. We're still surviving. Today has been a little rougher, the girls aren't latching as well (they prefer biting and pulling on me, which has caused a lot of pain/discomfort), and I'm trying to figure out if we're dealing with the poor latch or the beginnings of thrush. We're still nursing though. Last weekend we survived a batch of cluster feeding, started to see some semblance of a pattern for nursing but that's all sort of fallen to rot today. Hopefully tomorrow will go better.

I wrote a thank you note for my fertility clinic today. I may have shed a tear... because seriously how do you thank someone enough for such a gift? And I realize that yes they are paid monetarily for what they do, but our clinic really went above and beyond during our time there. And without them none of these kids would exist, there is absolutely no question of that. I tucked the note in with our birth announcement for the girls, just like I did with V, and it'll go in the mail tomorrow. We'll probably take the kids to visit Dr. M sometime in the coming weeks. I'm sure that will be full of all the feels since we don't plan on ever returning there.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Two weeks out-

We're still here! It feels like it's been over a month, but we're doing good.

The girls nurse constantly, much to my surprise I actually have a bit of an oversupply this time. It's been rough though, I won't lie. I have an overactive letdown, G can power through it (letting the excess dribble out her mouth) but we have started using a shield for J. J still struggles to latch, and after my milk came in she started struggling with my overactive letdown. I've read that I should express the excess off on a burp cloth, but my excess is like an ounce... so I either need to pump it off (which can exacerbate the issue, I've read) or I need to use this shield. So far we're doing well with the shield, although that does make nursing while out difficult since I can't really use it then... and she does not do well without it initially.

My day usually consists of changing a diaper, feeding them, burping, then changing yet another diaper, then topping them off with more nursing- this takes about an hour when all is said and done. Then they either nap, or they don't. Sometimes they trade off, one will stay up and the other sleeps, then the next session they switch and the other one stays up. It really drains me down when they do this at night. Anyway, then we do it all over again an hour or two later. They're actually getting ready to wake up again now.

My incision did get infected last week shortly after returning home. I had a bad fever, but we caught it very early and the antibiotics seem to have gotten it under control. I'm still very swollen, retaining a lot of water in my legs/feet, and my lower belly. My OB actually used dissolvable staples this time because my swelling was so bad in my lower belly. I lost 25lbs instantly in the hospital after having the girls, but still can't wear any of my pre-weight loss clothes. It's just as well, with the swelling and pitting from it, stretchy maternity clothes are the way to go.

A has another week of vacation, and I have to say he has been amazing. With the c-section I've been very limited in what I could do... but he's been wrangling V, helping me get the girls set up to tandem, waking at night to help me with them, doing all the cleaning, dishes, bringing me meals, laundry, you name it... man deserves a medal right now.

And G is now grunting and squirming... time for me to go! Another time.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Babies are here!

Sorry for being MIA, things have been crazy and I just now got on my computer since having the babies.

We went in on the 30th for our scheduled c-section at 38w+4d. We got bumped back a few hours for emergency c-sections, but obviously made it back eventually. I was pretty anxious and scared, but everything went, well, perfect. We happily welcomed two healthy baby GIRLS into the world in the afternoon.

Baby A, J.ane, came out first weighing 7lbs and 2oz, and Baby B, Gu.inev.ere, came out second weighing 7lbs even. J came out silently and didn't cry until they started cleaning her up. She was pretty mellow though. G came out wailing and sounding the alarm, as soon as daddy got to hold her she began licking the air and rooting. In recovery J had some issues latching (still does), but G dived right in, so I nursed them both for a good while in there.

Recovery wise it's been rough, but that's to be expected with a c-section. Still, things have been loads smoother this time around though, with V I was still barely able to get in/out of bed. My stay at this hospital has been much more pleasant, the nurses overall have been great, and it's just a nicer place overall. The girls are nursing every hour on the hour, most of the time tandem. I usually just need help getting them in my arms, but can get them latched on my own. My milk started to come in this morning finally, so hopefully they can start regaining some of the weight they lost now. I'll be heading home in the morning.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Appt today-


37 weeks and 5 days today! Everything is still fine: babies' heart rates were good, fluid is good, no protein spillage, no blood pressure issues... I made a little progress dilating, I'm maybe a fingertip now? Nothing to get excited about though, right now it looks like we're still going to make it to our scheduled c-section. We'll see, I guess. I was 1cm with V for weeks if I recall correctly and nothing really changed... my water broke the day before my scheduled induction. I don't really think anything like that will happen again, but my body is almost begging for it.

I hurt everywhere, my lower belly is swollen like a water balloon and it hurts to the touch. It's gotten really bad. My anxiety is ramping up too. I just keep telling myself that it's just 6 more days. We can handle it, right?

After my appointment we decided to brave taking V to see the new Dragon movie. He loved the first one, and is just obsessed with dragons/dinosaurs. It went better than I expected, considering this was his first movie in an actual theater. He did get antsy and tired (it ran into nap time) but he had fun so that was worth it. It was also a first that we would have otherwise had to table for a long time. It was nice being able to do something little like that before my surgery.

Friday, June 20, 2014

A quick update-

Babies are still cooking, and look like they are probably going to stay that way. No progress whatsoever as of Tuesday. I'm 37 weeks now, and my fundal height was measuring 48 weeks. I did test positive for group-b strep so will be getting IV antibiotics when the time comes, although they'll have to work around my allergies. I'm swelling worse and worse as the days go on, my legs and feet are balloon-esque. I'm getting edema at my old c-section scar too, which is really weird and disconcerting. Everything looks fine though no signs of preeclampsia, so there aren't any concerns. Just discomforts and unease.

Right now I'm trying my best just to hang in there, and hoping that the babies do too. I'm still very uneasy about waiting so long for the c-section, but there isn't anything I can do about it and technically it should be fine. I just get anxious, like I mentioned before. I'm terrified of something happening to them because we waited too long, and I know that it's mostly irrational. After what happened with my sister though (with her stillbirth), I really can't help it.
 
So basically, I want them out for a lot of reasons. I am more than ready to have them out.

10 more days.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

36 weeks

So we're 36 weeks now, which is great. Physically I don't feel so great though... I'm just having such a hard time right now. This pregnancy has been so different than when I was just carrying V. We have 18 more days until our c-section and I just don't know how I'm going to make it. I hurt everywhere, I'm starting to swell up, I'm so crampy every day, my belly burns/aches all the time, and my new heartburn med isn't working very well, so I wake up feeling like I'm going to throw up too. I can barely walk around my house, let alone anywhere else. The hour car ride to my OB's office is awful. It's bad. It's gotten really bad this past week. I do my best not to complain, I've definitely not lost sight that the babies are doing well and that's what's most important... but I feel like I'm falling apart, and I end up crying most nights from the pain.

My OB appointment on Tuesday went well. No signs of preeclampsia, babies both looked good. My cervix is still closed, so no progress there. My OB offered to see if there were any openings at the hospital for 38 weeks rather than my scheduled 38 weeks and 4 days. Of course, there aren't. The nurse said that if something opens up they'll let me know though. I'm not going to count on that, but it was a nice thought.

I'm anxious about waiting until 38 weeks and 4 days for a lot of reasons- with twins the placentas do start to break down earlier (usually starting at 38 weeks), and the whole point of a scheduled c-section is to avoid going into labor on my own, not just because of the risk of uterine rupture but also because I am on Lovenox and the increased bleeding risks and possibility of requiring general anesthesia. But I just have to hope for the best here, and try to tough it out. I mean, things should be fine. I hope?

I just get really anxious as we near the end. I did the same thing with V, and a lot of that has to do with my sister's loss. My sister is getting anxious too, she was really panicking about them not doing more growth scans. I told her it's normal, but you know that doesn't help. It's just a hard place to be in. You know that they're alive today, but that tomorrow isn't guaranteed. I can't trust my body. It's hard to explain to most people, but I feel like they're honestly safer on the outside than in after a certain point. I felt that same way with V. I'm on the Lovenox though, and we're doing everything we can... it's just hard trying to have faith that everything will be alright... because it isn't always alright.

Okay, it's late and I'm rambling. I'm trying to soak on the heating pad to relieve some of the back pain and crampiness before bed, and I feel like I'm just going to pass out so I should probably just get some rest. Tomorrow I'll be another day closer at least.