Friday, April 15, 2011

Temporarily pregnant-

So the line got darker last night, despite the fact that the bleeding picked up quite a bit.



Okay, first of all... let me say how glad I am that I'm so stubborn and demanding.

I called and demanded to have my progesterone ran with my HCG and TSH.

My progesterone came back at a measly 6.6... which is terrible. It should be at least 15. So my doctor FINALLY consented to letting me up my progesterone supplements. I'm now supposed to take 3 a day, instead of 1 a day. However, I wonder if it's too late for that?

My HCG came back at 72 for 13dpo. My last miscarriage it was only 30 at 13dpo. So I suppose that means it's off to a better start, at least in one way. My second pregnancy my HCG was 37 at 12dpo. So it's right up there with that one. So 72 seems like a pretty good number.

TSH probably won't be back until Sunday or Monday. I go back Sunday morning for a repeat lab draw.

In the meantime, I'm supposed to start Lovenox. I asked them to just order a weeks worth for now, because: it's ridiculously expensive, my insurance doesn't cover it, and I don't have faith in my body making it very far into a pregnancy. My track record for furthest I've ever made it in a pregnancy before things went wrong... almost 6 weeks. I didn't miscarry that one until 8 weeks, but it stopped growing at 6 weeks. So, we'll try for a week first and see how that goes.

I'm still bleeding quite a bit, and I've been cramping some. I'm staying realistic about this. Would it be amazing if things got under control and this worked? Of course! I would be so happy, I would be dancing (but only in my heart, because I'm trying to stay resting so I don't make things worse by moving around too much)... But after everything I've been through, I have no faith in things working. I also can't remain calm about things, or divert my mind. I've been through a lot, I'm SCARED. I don't want to go from 3 miscarriages to 4! I don't want to lose another one. I don't want to go through this again! Not only that, but this brings back a lot of pain and memories from the other pregnancies. I can't turn my brain off, nor can I shutter my heart. So I'm dealing, but I'm also crying and scared as hell. I'm trying not to think about it, but that's an impossible task.

One day at a time.

17 comments:

unaffected said...

I'm so hopeful for you!!!! 72 is a great number!! :) Congratulations!

kg said...

praying praying praying! i'm sending lots of positive thoughts and love your way.
why are doctors so reluctant to up the progesterone? it's such a vital horomone for a successful pregnancy. i would be bathing in progesterone creams if i were you.

Glass Case of Emotion said...

As someone who has suffered early loss multiple times, I can completely understanding how you feel. All I can do for now, is hold your hand as you wait and hope for the best for you. One day at a time.

And 72 is a nice number at 13dpo!

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Sending 1000 good thoughts, sweetie. 72 is a good number and I hope to see it keep doubling with each update.

birdsandsquirrels said...

72 is a very good number! I can only imagine the emotions you are going through right now. I am so glad you stuck up for yourself and demanded that progesterone level! Are you using prometrium or crinone or endometrin? Maybe a different form would work better for you? I think I was on 200mg prometrium pills twice a day, taken vaginally. I really hope that the extra progesterone and the lovenox makes all the difference and that the numbers keep going up and up.
I am sending you all of my positive thoughts and prayers.

AnotherDreamer said...

Birds&Squirrels, they're pharmacy compound vaginal suppositories. I've never taken anything else for progesterone support. I may bring it up if upping the dose itself doesn't yield better results in the next few days... pending Sundays results of course.

Melis.sa said...

I agree, 72 is a strong number and the tests are getting darker!! My two losses, the bfp's were never that dark but the two babies that made it gave me good lines on 12dpo and dark on 13dpo.

I hope the rest, the lovenox, and all of us praying for you guys make this beautiful little baby grow!!!

Thinking of you!!!

Rebecca said...

Keeping hope for you that your numbers increase and the bleeding soon stops.

Stinky said...

Oh this sounds like such a nailbiter for you.
I'm holding all the hope still for you, I know this is a time where you try and go with it and not think ahead TOO much, I truly hope this is the golden eggie (and sperm)

If it does go tits up, we will be here for you. But I'm rooting for a sticky one

Celia said...

Girl, you are in my heart.

blueeyedtawni said...

sending many sticky thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lots of hugs!

MrsSpock said...

I don't blame you for being afraid, but I am hoping and hoping for you!

Christina said...

72 at 13dpo is a great number. I hope the increased progesterone helps! The suppositories don't always show up in the bloodwork, but the spotting and cramping does support the lower number in your case.

I understand being scared. I see nothing wrong with holding onto the hope that everything works out great, and at the same time being aware of the possibility of it not.

I am here, scared and hopeful for you as well!

Kristin said...

Praying hard and sending many good thoughts your way.

PS...check your email

Celia said...

Not to be a stalker, but I can't stop thinking about you. I hope you are cozy with a cat and a nice movie.

Jess said...

Praying that the number continues to rise and for a happy and healthy 9 months!!!

As for the Lovenox, could you take Heparin instead? You have to do it twice a day but I believe that it is much cheaper. Just a thought!

LisaL said...

**HUGS**
I hope everything gets under control and this little bean sticks!