Working through it-

I hate it when you set yourself to do one little home project, and suddenly it's blown way out of proportion. I just wanted to put a new bookshelf in my art room because I had too many books shoved in the corners of the house, and my other book shelves were all over burdened and their shelves were bowing. So I put it together, and filled it up (completely) with books. I sorted through piles of papers and binders I had in there, and threw an entire trash bag of junk away. Whew.

Yes. That was good. But then I looked and the walls and thought about how much I didn't like them. And the ceiling fan blades, which still had stickers on them from where the previous renters had made this their daughter's room. Yuck, the little lady bugs and 70s flowers had to go. And suddenly I'm at the hardware store buying primer, paint, and painting supplies (and knobs to replace the stupid ones in my kitchen), and... back home, cleaning, sorting, and moving my book shelves and everything else into the middle of the room.

Ugh. I was wondering all this time where my motivation for spring cleaning went, and apparently it came back with a vengeance.

I think it's just that I need to do something, I need a distraction that gives me a good feeling at the end of it. I read three books in the last two days, but that just wasn't cutting it. I needed manual labor, something that pays off, that when you set your mind to working on it- it actually works. I did the same thing after all my miscarriages. I threw myself into home improvement projects, and it was good. It was what I needed. I painted rooms, I refinished a bench, I did some landscaping in the backyard, I patched holes, installed a ceiling fan, a dimmer switch... whatever I could do that needed done (and trust me, with this house there is always something that needs done.) I was able to keep my hands occupied, my attention focused. After the miscarriages, I couldn't focus on squat: not the TV, not a book, not my homework, nothing. But working with my hands, I had no choice but to focus because if I didn't I could mess up or hurt myself. So I focused, and tuned the entire world out. It was just me and the task at hand.

I suppose it's a good thing I have plenty of projects lined up. When If this cycle doesn't work, and we're at the end of the road with nowhere to go... at least I have an entire kitchen to redecorate.

6 more days.