Friday, September 19, 2008

Biting my tongue

I was just on a forum, and instead of replying to the woman's message there I chose to post my thoughts here.

She was talking about how unfair it is that woman who abandon their babies at hospitals, who throw them in the trash, etc. get to have babies and we trying to concieve sometimes can't. They were ranting a bit about how it upset them. Sure, sure. The green eyed beast comes out of us all from time to time... but it doesn't in me in these cases.

I do not condone what many of these woman do, but I understand that sometimes they can feel like there is no choice.

My case and point. My cousin's aunt, a super nice woman. I never knew she got pregnant at 15 and put her baby in the trash. Appalling, I know. But let me tell you why she did it before you condemn her. She was 15, and it was her father's baby. He'd been raping her since she was 8. She'd told her mother about it, but her mother never believed her. So, at 15 when she became pregnant with her baby who was also her brother, she didn't know what to do. She was home alone, she was scared, she delivered that baby on her own at home. Confused, scared, she put the baby in the trash.

This happened about 30 to 40 years ago. My mother was friends with her then, and never knew what was happening behind closed doors. My mother didn't know she was pregnant, until what happened hit the news. That woman still regrets making that decision to this day.

The child was found the same day, and eventually put up for adoption.

This is the side of some of those stories that the media choses not to cover. Instead some of these raped, abused, confused girls get bad mouthed by the media and the masses. I'm sure some of them deserve it, but there is an equal amount if not more who don't.

As I said, I don't condone it, but I understand why it can happen. I know, they have other options now, like now many places allow them to leave the baby at a hospital no questions asked. They didn't have that back then. She tried telling someone what was happening, but the one person who should have listened didn't. She felt like she had no options at all. What would you have done? Her parents, one called her a liar, the other was raping her... even if she told someone I'm sure her mother would have backed her father.

These types of things still happen today. Yes, and now they have more options. And I'm glad they do.

I'm not jealous of these girls for having babies, I don't hate them for abandoning them, I do however wonder what's going on in their lives for this to happen to them. It's a horrible tragedy all around, for the mother and the baby sometimes.

I don't know where or what I'm trying to say here. I guess it's something along the lines of "Don't assume." I've seen many posts like the one I was going to reply to, and it troubles me a bit I guess.

"Life is not black and white, it's varying shades of gray."
That's all I'm saying, I guess.


Penny said...

The more I interact with people who's values I thought I didn't agree with, the less I think I know what is "right."

I still hate it when I read about crack that have babies though. Not sure my opinion would change much there.

G said...

Walk a while, I guess. Was it the wrong decision, yes? But you never know what you would do until you are in those shoes. I agree with you ... shades of grey.