Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Maybe, Maybe not

So, I still may or may not have Ov'ed... just waiting this one out.

I think I may have, but I am skeptical. I am so used to not ovulating that I just have a very difficult time believing that I have. I know, 5 days of temps above the cover line should convince me, right? Not so. See, I have my infertile goggles on, but I can still see a trick when I... see one. I just have reserved doubts.

If my basal body temperature stays above the cover line, I will go in Thursday for my progesterone blood draw... "if"... cause you never know. They could go back down, and then my body could laugh at me in the mirror, and say,"Hahaha, you actually believed I would listen to you! You idiot."

Anyway, the progesterone draw should solve the puzzle once and for all... if I go in for it.

If this is all true, and I did miraculously ovulate... I will consider Metformin a wonder drug, since it has possibly got me to respond to Clomid twice now. Whereas all my non-Metformin cycles, with Clomid, I have ovulated... how many times was it? Oh, right... none.

I'm driving myself batty here. I am so used to not ovulating, that I don't know what to make of these temps... are they real? Or are they pulling my frickin leg... I wannnaa knowwww.

Ungh. I am stepping away from my chart. I am holding my breath. I will know in the next couple of days if my ovaries did indeed respond.

The wait is driving me insane though. I am just... not used to this much limbo. I am used to waiting around for nothing to happen, and then... nothing happens. Not even fake temp raises usually... but this time... there is a significant extended temp rise... and I don't know what to make of it. Is it real, or is it a big joke...

I was terrified taking my temperature this morning. I was afraid it would be down, and I would have had my hope all up yesterday for no reason. But, it was higher than yesterday... I'm already dreading tomorrow morning's temp... I just know it will bring all my new hope crashing down... Well, I don't know it, but I am such a pessimist, I'm so jaded...

I need to focus on other things... take my mind off it. Now that I've dumped it here (Enjoy!) I can try to go about my day.

"Try" being the key word.

Why is trying to concieve so freakin' hard? Why is it such a headache, so consuming? Unghhh.


Michelle said...

that is really why I stopped temping because it just drove me insane!

Penny said...

I hope it means you ovulated.

By the way, it is common for the temp to dip for a day somewhere in the first week, so if it's low tomorrow you can't freak out yet.

Celia said...

I am crossing my fingers for you. Sometimes I feel like a loon for even caring if I ovulate because of Mr.'s morphology. It's like I'm all excited to have my license but forgot I have no damn car.

..al said...

Ugh really! Life just trickles down from one cycle day to another and in a few cycles an entire year is gone! Vanished! And all you have is the tab you pick up for sonographies and medicines!

I went off charting...I care two hoots for whether I 'O' or not. I used to ovulate till I was fed even more fertility medicines, then I started making even more ova, and one of my ovaries stopped responding unless stimulated.

I hope you did ovulate! Fingers crossed!

Cara said...

Hoping the best for you and that your gut is telling you the truth!!!