Saturday, February 14, 2009

Insensitive or Ignorant

I told a friend of mine that I was pregnant again. I sent her a message on F.aceb.ook. I don't like calling her because I know she's usually busy, she has a 4 month old and leads a busy life. So I messaged her.

Her response? "OMG congrats!"

I replied: "Thanks :)"

She then typed, "I told u it would happen."

Are you serious? I may have been a little catty in my reply...

It only took a couple thousand dollars, lots of high dosage hormone pills, plus insulin pills, and 8 months since the miscarriage... and there's still a chance of miscarrying again. I'm optimistic this time though. I dunno... part of me actually thinks I may have a baby this time. Of course, part of me know that the likelihood of that happening are slim... but we'll see."

But, I mean, are you freakin kidding me? "I told u it would happen."
Yes, it just magically happened all on it's own. And let's not forget how easily it can end. "It would happen" my ass.

I even wrote this to her prior to the whole thing...
"I had a bit of a scare the other night, but my blood work shows that my hormones are rising adequately and everything... so this one may just work out anyway. It's still really early though, so many things can go wrong."

I realize that she comes from a world where babies do not die, but she knows damn well they do. She knows I had a miscarriage last time. She knows about my sister's stillbirth. She knows, or should know, I am scared. Does she actually think I am getting a living baby out of this? Pregnancy does not equal a baby. Not always. No matter how much we wish it would.

I may be overreacting.

It just really pissed me off. Where the hell does she get off giving me an "I told you so" ???

In other news. I have another beta Monday. No spotting (yet) today. My left ovary is hurting something awful though, it's off and on though. Hopefully it will be okay.

I am 4weeks 2 days now. I miscarried at 4weeks 6days last time... let's see if I can get past that hurdle this time.

Stick baby stick!


G$ said...

The pain in the ovary isn't unusual, I had that too, it may just be the corpus luteum.

Friends are strange, especially the pg=baby, every time people.

You are in my thoughts. Stay put baby, stay put!

Kristin said...

She was trying to be positive but had an attack of foot in mouth disease. And, hehehe, blame your reaction on the hormones if you need an excuse.

Praying hard for you.

Michelle said...

I got that response last time and I had had 3 miscarriages. I just think people who do not go through what we go through can even begin to imagine and they still think a positive attitude will make everything ok. Good Luck on Monday!

Celia said...

As happy as I would be to get pregnant I do dread telling people/people knowing because once you have had a pregnancy fail I just don't think you can fully relax until the baby is OUT.

That said, please try to live in the moment with this. Even if you do lose this baby, you don't want your only memory to be of you waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I am praying for ya.

Missy said...

A lot of people don't get it. Hugs.

Dora said...

Fertile idiots! Sorry, hon. At least you know we get it.

Stick, baby, stick! Mommy won a cute hat to keep your little ears warm next winter!

Penny said...

Best of luck on your beta.

I thought your response was great. F her for such a flippant response (assuming she knows your fert history).

The ovary pain - happens sometimes with stimulants; it's always worse right around the BFP, but should fade within a few weeks. Kind of uncomfortable tho, huh.

Tara said...

Some people will never understand.

I hope tomorrow's beta is more good news!

Guera! said...

I have a coworker who I have shared very little information with leading to her assuming alot...and resulting in her making similar comments. It infuriates me. Idiots.

Tash said...

Just dropping in to say . . . . eep! It's so hard waiting -- there seem to be so many milemarkers to pass through. And you go through one, and exhale and then tense up and wait for the next.

Wow, I can't stand people like that. What I also detect, in addition to "See? You got pregnant! Like women are supposed to!" (insensitive, to say the least) is "See? Happy ending! Now STFU!" Because, like you say, in her world, the positive test IS the happy ending. Now everything is sunshine and rainbows.

Thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

You are certainly not overreacting. I would have called her right when she was trying to get the baby to sleep and laid all it down for her. I know people mean well when they say stuff like this, that they mean it to be comforting. But really, they're just enjoying being right and making themselves feel better.

Sorry you had to deal with that.

Here from the Roundup.

sharah said...

That's one of those responsed that, to me, is totally dependent on the PERSON who's saying it. A close friend, who had been a support and was very close -- that would be a little insensitive. From someone who was not as close and just thought they had some right to say something because you shared with them -- that's ignorant AND insensitive.