Monday, March 14, 2011

So much-

For almost a month now, I've suspected that SIL2 was pregnant. She's younger than SIL1 (SIL1 had a baby last September). No one in the family has said anything to us, but due to the miracles of FB I confirmed it the other day. She didn't post on her wall, but MIL and SIL1 had commented on SIL2's Fiances wall, so the comments showed up on their walls (is that confusing enough?).

Anyway, yup, she's pregnant with number two. And due to the miracle of FB, I know they heard the heartbeat the other day, and she's due October 8th, and SIL1 has the family bassinet if they want it and plenty of hand me downs. So, all the family (and FB) has known since the beginning of February actually. And they still haven't told us.

This is my complete lack of shock.

My own sister, she's going to be a grandma in a matter of months now. That's right, I'm going to be a great aunt. I still can't wrap my head around that.

Speaking of which, my sister called me today. She bought a book about infertility, but when she got it she realized it was geared more towards her religion than mine. So she kept it, and put it in her bathroom (where her boys couldn't get it) and she read it. She said it made her cry. We talked some about it, and what I was going through, and she seemed to understand it all a little better. Before, she really didn't get it at all. She'd listen, but she didn't understand how I could just "give up"... but today, it seemed like we made a better connection.

When I got off the phone with her, I felt like crying. Sometimes people talk with me, but none have ever actually made the effort to understand. But she did. We've had so many differences over the years, so many falling outs, and for once she actually tried to look at things from my perspective. No one else had went that far. I post things on my FB hoping some of them would read it, but that was certainly no guarantee. When we've tried to talk to some of them they always just brushed it off with "Well, someday something will work and you'll be great parents." Which I always felt was a cop out, a way of ending the subject. And they never brought it up again, and never seemed interested in hearing about it. So I was left alone with dumb silence. But for once, just this once, someone heard me.

It just made my day after such a rough month.

She also let me talk about my miscarriage, something not many people do. We talked about our dead babies, her still born daughter and my miscarriages, and how hard it is. She talked about waiting 24 hours to deliver, knowing her baby was dead. And I talked about my week to two weeks where I waited. We shared sadnesses and battle scars. We talked about differences between our situations, and how we couldn't imagine how hard it must be for the other one.

Dead babies... who ever thought it would be a sibling bonding issue.

It sounds really weird, or morbid, to say that it was a good conversation given the subject matter, but it truly was. It was a nice change from the absent conversations I often have, the turned gazes, the changes in subject. Sometimes you need to talk about the raw emotions with another person who is really, and I mean really, willing to listen. And I think it was good for us as sisters, because we don't talk often and things have been difficult since our last falling out.

It was really good, and meant more to me than I'm able to express. I didn't expect it, and I've been in such a funk because of the apathy I meet everyday relating to our struggle. I've been faced a lot lately with so many people who just don't seem to care at all, who think everything is fine... it was nice to know that not everyone is looking the other way while we suffer, and someone remembers what we've been through.


Stinky said...

Bloody hell, how rude!! I don't know what I'd do in that situ. I wouldn't forget it in a hurry though

Glad you bonded with your sis. If people can bond over deadbabytalk, its more likely its a more real relationship rather than just fairweatherfuckers

loribeth said...

Sounds like it was cathartic for both of you to have that talk. (((hugs))) said...

I hate FB for that reason...I found out about my SIL's 4th pregnancy that way and thank god i saw it on there or i would've been a wreck when i saw her. ugh.

Glad to hear that you and your sister could talk about your losses together and reconnect. ((HUGS))

MrsSpock said...

So sad that so few people are willing to go that extra mile to walk in your shoes- but glad your sister is one that does.