Monday, March 21, 2011

Hmph-

Nothing like a nightmare about a failed adoption to start the day... stupid brain. Because it's not bad enough I have nightmares* about infertility and miscarriages, let's add nightmares about failed adoptions to the list? Seriously though, note to self: before drifting off to sleep, don't dwell on how you're never going to be a parent. bah!

Last night I was crocheting the trim on some baby blankets, and my mind wandered to how much worse this Christmas season is going to be than it was last year. Because there will be another new baby, in that crowded house, and I just started crying. I don't want to live another year like this, I can't... I just can't. But I know, I know, we're more likely to be right where we're at than not. It would take a miracle for things to work out otherwise... and I don't put much stock in miracles these days.

My body is still messing around with me, I better see CD1 today or I am going to be livid. I am tired of the spotting, not spotting, spotting, not spotting, spotting, not spotting.... MAKE UP YOUR MIND YOU JERK. My lady bits hate me.

I have to take my dog Pokey to the veterinarian tomorrow. She has a lump on her throat, and she's been having trouble walking. She is old and very obese. But her issues are getting worse, she has a lot of trouble with the stairs now and getting up after she's been laying for awhile. Which is all the time, because that dog doesn't like doing anything. She just lays there, all day. The only time she gets up is to eat/drink/follow me, because she has to be in whatever room I'm in. If she can't get in said room because the door is shut, she'll lay outside it and wait for me. Sweet, yes. But when you have an unstable 100lb+ dog following you around the house, tripping over her own feet, and worrying that she's going to fall down the stairs again... not so cute. More nerve wrecking. I might have to move the baby gate to stop her from taking the stairs anymore. My poor girl. I love her so, it hurts watching her struggle like this.


* honestly, most of my nightmares are about zombies.

6 comments:

WiseBursche said...

Ugh-Ack! I hope your body falls in line soon enough...it is CD1 for me today btw...

I loved the baby blanket you are weaving...I hope your nephew or niece will cherish it.

I hope Pokey gets a breather at the vet.

Most importantly, I just want to say Good Luck to you...life is too long...and we have to look at GodKnowsWhatOtherDaysMayHappen everything...

Belated Happy Blogoversary!

Melis.sa said...

Aw, I hope your dog gets better :(

Gah! What a bad way to wake up!!

Hoping AF shows up so the spotting can stop. Does your RE know about it?

After I had E it took 9 months for AF to return and then I had spotting off and on for like 3 months. I hate PCOS!! UGH!!

Glass Case of Emotion said...

So sorry to hear about your pup and nightmare. I would rather have nightmares about zombies! :)

Stinky said...

All the best for the puplet.
I can relate re the 'god, not another frigging year like this' feeling, sucks donkey arse, doesn't it.

Its a sobering thought when you realise the infertility stuff creeps into the dreams, is nothing sacred, can we have no reprieve whatsoever??
I hate when I dream that I have kids, and wake up and its all gone

Janis MK said...

Come, CD1!!!

I am sorry about Pokey. I absolutely hate situations like this, when you see someone you love suffering, but not able to help. I know ultimately in life we are alone like this, and I guess this is where the noble truth sucks. :/

much love, mama ((hugs))

iamstacey said...

I have nightmares about zombies, too! They don't usually scare me, but I wake up exhausted from fighting and running!