Thursday, July 29, 2010

August is almost here again-

Had my baseline the other day. Unfortunately the corpus luteum cyst was still hanging around, boo. However, she ran my estrogen and a beta to check on things- and since the estrogen was low and the beta was negative, we were given the go ahead. We told her what our revised plan was, and she agreed to it.

So I start 200mg Clomid today, and we see what happens. Or what doesn't happen. Next month we go back to Femara.

August is almost here. I should have been due around the first. Ungh.

Also, my niece was stillborn at the end of August. My niece should have been turning twelve next month. That's so surreal. She was so beautiful; her skin was so dark, with black curly hair, and pudgy little cheeks. I still wonder who she would have looked more like, her mom or her dad. My sister's oldest son takes after her, her youngest after his father. I think Amariah would have taken after her grandmother though, like my other niece. I would love to have seen her grow though, I wonder which traits she would have gotten. She was multi-racial, African American-Native American- Caucasian. I think she had her grandmother's cheek structure, my sister and her husband both had black hair so that was from anyone and everyone. The curls were from her father though, because my sister's hair was straight as can be. Would she have been tall, or short like all of us? My sister is only 5' 1", my mother 5', grandma was only 4' 11". We used to joke that we were "breeding our line up taller" since each generation married a taller man, and each new generation got a few inches taller. No one's laughing now. Would she have had my sister's smile? I wonder what her eyes would have looked like- they're closed in the only existing photograph of her. She was born sleeping, time frozen in place. She never changes, she never grows up, she never opens her eyes. I bet they would have been beautiful- beautiful eyes for the beautiful baby girl.

6 comments:

Kristin said...

Oh hon...I wish I could make August easier for you. Know that I am remembering them with you.

janis said...

Sending good thoughts your way, and remembering your niece with you... xo

WiseGuy said...

Amariah...what a lovely name! Hoping she is in eternal peace.

Also remembering your unfulfilled due date this time of the year.

Take Care.

iamstacey said...

Have you thought about moving on to injectables? I didn't respond to either Femara or Clomid. But, as soon as I went on Gonal F shots, my ovaries sprung into action! I know everyone is different, it's just a thought as it sounds like you all need to make the most of the ovarian drilling, and the non-response from the Clomid and Femara are really wearing on you. You do have to be monitored with the injectables, though, so it would mean driving into the office and more co-pays (it meant that for us, anyways).

Another Dreamer said...

Stacey- We have done three cycles, but I require really high doses of those too. And the cost )all OP, each cycle I use over $2,000 worth of meds alone), added to my high miscarriage rate... we decided we didn't want to spend the money on it again.

loribeth said...

Give your sister a hug from me. My daughter was also stillborn in August -- August 7, 1998. She was due in November. She'd be starting Grade 7 this fall (!!!!).