Sunday, July 25, 2010

Blllaaaahhhh-

Still negative. No surprise there.

Blogger messed up and I went to publish some comments and it deleted them... grrrrr. So if your comment isn't on the last post, I didn't mean to delete it. Blogger is being a jerk.

I've been having a pretty bad weekend. Personal crapfest that I won't go into.

But the cold front finally hit, so that's good at least. Up until a few hours ago my husband, my little brother, and I were kinda just sitting around looking like we were going to melt. My cats were all laying around like deflated balloons, the poor babies. Of course, the heat is better than a blizzard... I hate snow.

I'm in a kind of crappy place at the moment because of the crappy weekend. I sort of feel like just yelling, "Fuck it all." to life right now. I'm just really angry about something, and it happening on top of my negative and my back pain and the amazingly high heat index for the past few days... yeah. Angry, upset, annoyed, sad, depleted, numb, blah.

I have some decisions to make about what we're going to do after this next Femara cycle. It's either keep going, switch back to Clomid for a cycle or two, take a break until spring, or go ahead and quit like we keep saying we're going to. Obviously we're not totally ready to quit, since we're still doing treatments- mostly because it's going to take us a long time to get to where we can afford the adoption fees. Partly because, apparently, a small part of hope is still alive. Not much, but it's there. I think the fact that I've been responding to treatments has contributed to the latter... I've never ovulated this much in a year. It's really weird.

6 comments:

WiseGuy said...

Sorry at the BFN.

I think you should take a teeny-meeny break. Get refreshed and do a medicated cycle again.

Hope.

birdsandsquirrels said...

I'm sorry about the bfn, and the back pain, and the crappy weekend, and the heat. My god it is hot and here as well, and I can't imagine not having air conditioning. I hope you can find a way to stay cool.

It is so hard to know which way to go with treatments, but the good thing is that you ARE ovulating a lot. It's a numbers thing, the more ovulatory cycles you have, the greater the odds of getting pregnant. It does make sense to continue while you save up for adoption - you never know if the next cycle will bring that sticky bfp. Of course, your sanity is important, and month after month of living life in 2 week segments is so hard. Good luck with whatever you decide. I hope that everything starts feeling and going better soon. Hugs.

Connie's Confessions said...

I agree...take a small little break and start again. Sorry for the BFN this month. *hugs*

MrsSpock said...

Oy. This sucks.

Dora said...

No assvice from me. I don't know if it'll make you feel better to continue right now or take a break. Thinking of you.

loribeth said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only person who has deleted comments I meant to publish! ; ) Good luck with whatever you decide to do next...