Thursday, July 8, 2010

Not quite-

Well, the appointment could have went better. I did have one follicle, but it isn't quite ripe for the plucking yet. It's only a 15. So, I go back Sunday and we'll see if things are looking better then.

I am glad my body tried to do something, and one follicle is certainly better than none- but I still find myself bummed out. Because, there is only one follicle again. And it's growing slowly at that, which makes me worry it will either a) Crap out and give up, or b) Be bad quality and make this cycle useless anyway.

If we end up triggering Sunday... big IF there... we'd have the IUI on our anniversary. Which, I have mixed feelings about that. It's our anniversary and I would like to have the day to just be about us... not about a doctor with a catheter of sperm and us. I don't want to remember that we had a failed IUI on our anniversary. I mean, if it didn't fail then that would be quite the memory- wouldn't it? But we all know what my track record holds. I know the odds. I already have a bad memory of conceiving on my birthday and losing that baby- and I realize that at this point every month almost holds some bad memory related to infertility and loss, but do I want to make a conscious decision to add to that list?

So now, I'm second guessing our decision to add an IUI this cycle. Of course, I'm getting ahead of myself since we don't even know if we'll be able to trigger anyway. But it's something we need to process and think about, just in case it does pan out that way.

So... this cycle remains up in the air.

I know- one follicle is pretty normal for Femara, and also ovulating on cycle day 16-18 can also be normal (especially with PCOS). I think I'm just finding things to fret about at this point... but I don't trust my body at all. She's a trickster.

Reigning myself in now, and trying to calm down.

7 comments:

'Murgdan' said...

Thinking of you as things progress....

Kristin said...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you. I definitely understand having bad TTC memories associated with a lot of days. It truly sucks.

Melis.sa said...

Hoping the follie grows and that you guys can do timed intercourse instead...

K said...

Hoping your follies grow!!!

rys said...

I'm also keeping my fingers crossed for you. Thank you for stopping by my blog and offering support. Given what you're going (and have gone) through, you certainly face these trials with grace and dignity.

iamstacey said...

Holdin' out hope for that perfect one follie! I'm with you, I was always sad if I only had one at the end. Not that I wanted multiples, I just wanted the best possible chance for success!
Don't second-guess the IUI. It's a good choice! It ups those odds, and we need all the help we can get, right?

PFM said...

I hope things go well. Happy Anniversary.