Monday, July 19, 2010

Feeling blah-

I am halfway through the two-week-wait. Whew. Time has sure slowed down though.

I've been utterly exhausted lately, and sleeping is not helping. I think it's because I'm working graveyard shift two days a week, and the nights I get regular sleep... well, I don't. I keep waking up during my R.E.M. sleep every single freakin' night... for like two to three weeks now. It's bad. I wake up still exhausted and sore- as if I'd only slept a few hours.

I worked myself even more sore Friday doing home repairs, which is rewarding but painful. I installed a few screens for some of the windows that needed them. I replaced our broken ceiling fan, which would have been such a simple task, if our ceiling wasn't so damn high. I guess we need a taller ladder, but I barely reached the wires, and one of us had to hold the fan while the other one spliced the wires together... so, uuunnnggghhh. But I got it all hooked up, and it works lovely! I am proud of my handiwork. Of course, the light on it is different. At the store I thought it looked nice and fit the woodwork and decor of the living room better... but when I got it up, my husband had to point out that I had bought a boob light. You know the ones I'm talking about, they are round with a metal piece in the middle. Yeah. Oops. Oh well. If your mind isn't in the gutter, it's elegant. If it is... it at least provides you with a good laugh, right?

Did I mention time seems like it's slowed down? Yeah... only halfway there. But still.. halfway there! I may start testing on Friday. I don't know. I'm pretty indecisive, and in the end I have to fight myself from testing early. I'm bad. I usually cave in.

Did I mention how much I hate waiting? I've had to wait so much for so many different things over the past 3 years... it's tiring.

I'm not really feeling it- but then again I never am. I'm just so jaded by everything. Not getting pregnant. Having miscarriage after miscarriage. I expect the worst at every turn now. Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised one day. I'm not going to hold my breath on it, but it'd be nice.

8 comments:

janis said...

urgh, I hate waiting too. wish I could crank the clock faster for you.
Hang in there!!

Sarah S said...

I wish there was some way to speed up time and just jump to the moment where we want to be!!

Melis.sa said...

Hoping you can get some better sleep in the coming days

Diane said...

Wow, this is my first post on an infertility blog, but I just wanted to tell you I feel your pain. I'm halfway through the 2ww and I feel like I'm going crazy too. It never gets any easier, does it...

MK said...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you as always! I wondered what had happened to you because you had disappeared off the face of the blog earth...and then I just realized (literally, just now) that when I changed my blog's url, your blog was somehow left off my follow list. LOL! Stupid internets.

Kristin said...

Waiting is miserable and I'm still praying for you.

BTW, can you send me the make and model of said boob light? It sounds like the perfect way to torment my son...LOL.

WiseGuy said...

Somehow I find that the longer we wait, the passiveness, hurt and impatience gets rolled into one.

Hoping no more than these 3 years of waiting for you...

MK said...

Thanks for still following! I just changed my blog back to the old url (blogissuchastupidword.blogspot.com) since you're the only person who commented. I'm guessing (assuming I still had followers....) that no one could see my blog updates since I changed the url. Ugh. Blogger should tell people like me that these things happen when you change an address on this site!

Anyway, woe is me. ;)
I've had a cyst once before but it went away on its own by the next month. But the cyst caused by endo does NOT go away on its own. So frustrating!