Thursday, August 28, 2008

The darker side


Just feeling the hopelessness that goes with another failed cycle.

No response.

My P4 on CD20 was 1.4, so nothing by then. Nothing now.

I'm on cycle day 33 now, my BBT shows nothing. Nada.

I want to hold on to some hope that maybe my BBT didn't work this cycle, maybe I did ovulate and just can't see it. That maybe, just maybe, I am wrong.

Yeah, right. BBT worked for me before, doubt that it just stopped working. I'm giving it until Saturday, if nothing by then... I am starting the Provera again. I can't take much more of this cycle.

I always feel so empty, so hopeless, at the end of a useless cycle. I mean, if I at least ovulated, and just didn't get pregnant, I could live with that a little better. But this not even responding shit is getting old fast.


And I'm now officially looking for a part time job. Not that I want one, especially with the quarter about to start back up at the good 'ole university, but I think I need to. Oh, what joy.


By the way, the photo is from a lunar eclipse we had in February. I went out and stood in the snow, in my pajamas, to snap it with my zoom lens and tripod. It failed to capture the true beauty of the eclipse, but, meh.


Antigone said...

Breathtaking photo.

I'm so sorry about the cycle...

Shelby said...

Wow, that is a beautiful picture. I am sorry to hear that you're cycle was a no go. :( It is a heart crushing thing to face over and over again. I'm hoping that whatever part-time job you get is not too overwhelming in the midst of your studies and baby quest. Wishing you a better outcome with your next cycle!

janis said...

It is so shitty hard not knowing an answer. It is so brutal when our body does not seem to be working with us, not listening to the aching desires... I ache for you, and hold hope for the next cycle. Hang in there!!

I think that was a pretty good picture of the eclipse...

Penny said...

Sorry about the cycle. It always infuriated me when I had an annov cycle. It is the essence of time standing still.