Saturday, August 23, 2008

Show and Tell

I'm getting an early jump on Show and Tell today (Check this blog out if you want to know more about Show and Tell) I figure if I don't get on it now I will not get around to it at all... I've been absent minded lately.

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Here I am, camera-faced, reflected in a murky pond. Sometimes my mind feels like this reflection. As if I am displaced, in an alternate world. This can't be real, I can't be going through this shit. I have always felt like I was through the looking glass, looking in. This could never have been my life.

I went to my favorite place this week, I took a good friend of mine. I dream about taking my someday children here too. This place, it's magickal. It makes me believe in the world again. When I have writer's block, I go here. Never mind that when I do go here all I want to write about it magick and Pan. It invigorates me nonetheless.

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The man that used to own these 47 acres left his entire estate to the city he lived in, when he passed away. Beautiful expansive garden, mansion, courtyard, ponds, forests. Free for everyone to enjoy. And now I want to share it with you, and share with you my looking glass self.

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I go here to clear my head, from time to time. It is so peaceful, so heavenly. It is my happy place. I have many bad places, places I don't want to go to, but this place holds only joy for me. I go here with friends, I take my little brother. My old best friend used to take me here sometimes. It will always hold a special place in my heart.

I wish I had more places like this. I've seen so much ugliness in my life, and not hardly enough good. I look around me sometimes and I find that I am truly that girl in the looking glass. I live in a world where everything is topsy turvy, down is the new up. In my looking glass world you don't have a normal life. Instead of loving parents, you get a mentally ill, apathetic, mother and a physically disabled, and abusive, father. You are both the youngest child, and the middle child. You never settle into a normal life because you move every few months, and the longest you live anywhere is 3 years. You grow up years before everyone you know. You start paying bills before you're out of school. You find your true love at 18, then years later find out you can't have that dream family you both were waiting for. That dream family you swore one day would be yours. That love you missed out on growing up, that love you swore to give to your someday children, instead goes to your cats. And you feel broken, all the time.

I am Alice, except she was able to leave that twisted wonderland.
I've spent years trying to figure out how to cross this great distorted divide.
I keep wandering around, trying to figure out how normal people get by.
I have become strong because of all of my hardships. I don't doubt that, but what I wouldn't give to just once walk that uneven path. Just once to not have to cut down an entire jungle to find my way in this life.

11 comments:

battynurse said...

Absolutely beautiful fantastic place. I love the pics. I also feel like I can relate to bits and pieces of what you have described. I keep yearning for something to come easily, just once.

Malky B. said...

Beautiful gardens. I can see how that would be a very peaceful place.

Murgdan said...

Great pics...and an even better story. Thanks for sharing it.

Antigone said...

Beautiful photos...reminds me of the Dallas Arboretum. When I lived in Dallas I used to spend every Sunday morning there.

DawnsRecipes said...

Wow, what a gorgeous place! Your photography is stunning too. I especially love the shot of Pan. My grandmother got me hooked on mythology at an early age.

MrsSpock said...

Beautiful pics!

Smiling said...

Thank you so much for sharing - what a wonderful place. Your writing is beautiful.

Makes me think that someone should start a beautiful places link where everyone can suggests places we can visit when we are traveling, visiting relatives, or even living in our home towns. I know I have scores of places that held this role for me through the years.

best wishes!

Kristin said...

What a gorgeous place. It reminds me of the Sarah P Duke Gardens at Duke University.

Martha said...

Thank you for sharing this beautiful place. I am glad it gives you peace. I have Nature Deficit Disorder and need a fix daily!

Shelby said...

This is a beautiful post, one that, as a new reader, gives me so much on you in so few words. Everyone needs a place that is inspiring and healing and I'm so glad you have found yours. Thanks for stopping by my page. :)

Lori said...

I especially love the first photo, the one of you amid the murk. I can feel what it feels like to be there.

It's a beautiful garden.