Friday, June 10, 2011

Random bits-

- Step-MIL is sick of having grandsons... so it's fitting then that SIL2 is having another boy this time. I'll admit, I gave a cruel chuckle when I imagined Step-MIL's reaction to that news. I don't understand how she can't just be thankful that it's healthy and there haven't been any complications... but whatever. If this one survives and we find out the gender, I am really thinking about just not telling anyone until it's here, or much later in the pregnancy. Because I am still really miffed by that woman.

- Our car is still down. I don't know when we'll be getting it back, but I hope it's before my appointments next week. I feel really grateful to my mom since she's helping us out with all this, but she's also driving me a little nuts. She's trying to talk to me about my pregnancy like it's a normal pregnancy, trying to tell me when I'm going to start showing or feeling movement based on when she did... and I keep trying to explain things to her medically that all that is too soon. Besides, I have the classic PCOS gut with an anterior placenta, I probably won't be showing or feeling anything for awhile. I mean the placenta could move, but my fat belly is like wearing a giant pillow and probably won't change that much for awhile yet. I have had quite a bit of discomfort from jeans and non-stretchy clothes, and I tried to explain to her it's because my belly and ass are covered with bruises from my injections, but she didn't hear a damn word I was saying.

- One of my aunts stopped by when we over at my mother's to drop my car off, and she said I didn't look like I'd gained much weight yet... umm, first of all I'm still in the first trimester. Secondly, I haven't gained ANY weight. Not a single pound. As a matter of fact, before getting pregnant I lost about 25 pounds and I've been maintaining it well. I told her I hadn't gained any, and the plan is to not to really gain any, to keep it at a minimum. She just kind of looked at my mom like I'm being insane... but I'm OBESE. The goal is to gain as minimal weight as possible, if I gain too much weight it's dangerous. I know what my body needs and doesn't need, and I don't need women who weren't obese when they were pregnant, and haven't been pregnant in the last 26 to 30 years, trying to tell me what I need. Weight gain of 10 or so pounds, fine, but I shouldn't gain anything really in my first trimester. Maybe a pound, but what the hell did she expect? Me to get pregnant and blow up like a balloon overnight?

She also asked if it's really necessary for me to be laying down all the time... uh, it is if that's what hurts less, yeah. I'm going to listen to my body, especially since I'm on BED REST and have a GIANT CLOT in my uterus. After three miscarriages and all my complications, I'm certainly not going to be doing jumping jacks.

- Is it Wednesday yet? The time between appointments is scary, and filled with doubt. I keep wondering if Nombie's still alive, what the clot is doing, and knowing that really there's nothing more I can do anyway. So worry is kind of useless... but I'm going to do it anyway.

- Here's a brief summary of some of the family drama: I had to go through and hide a bunch of my info and photos on FB from my own brother, because he's dating (and living with) a girl I blocked on my FB last year. For a good reason... she's a psychopath that I didn't want anything to do with. I was friends with her a long time ago, and ended the friendship for a good reason (she tried to physically assault me on more than one occasion). I know for a fact that she hasn't changed, because just last year she sent me a nasty email because I declined her friend request. That's when I blocked her. And now, here she is living with my brother. Awesome.

- I'm really bitchy right now. Sorry for all the swearing and angry posts. I'm just really annoyed, I'm trying not to let things get to me... but it's hard not to.

- I'm really glad I'm far removed from everything right now. I mean, it's still there, and I might still have to deal with it... but I don't have to today.

- I still can't get the doppler to work. I think it's because of the anterior placenta. I think I keep finding that, since it's a "whoosh whoosh" noise that's about the speed of my own HB. For a second the other day I think I caught a galloping noise, it might have been the baby, but it was brief, my doppler didn't get a reading on how fast it was, and I couldn't find it again. So who knows. I wish it'd work, that'd really help with my anxiety right now, but I know it's still early and I do have some extra padding anyway. Who knows.

- I think I'm done bitching and moaning for the day. Sorry, I hate to be so whiny but I'm stressed out about situations around me, people being completely oblivious to how my pregnancy isn't "normal", and the constant overlay of worry about the well being of this baby. I'm really scared, and it doesn't do any good to focus on it since there's nothing I can do about it. I'm just feeling very frustrated and helpless right now, and I don't like it one bit.


Celia said...

You are not whiny. You are trapped in bed in the summer baking a baby that has a big scary clot next to it while your family bickers. Not the most soothing of pregnancies.

I freaking hate people who complain about the sex of the baby. My family keeps asking for a girl. A. Good luck to us getting pregnant again. B. If we are that lucky do they really think we are gonna CARE???

When I worked at Borders if someone had an infertility book question they would get sent to me and I had way more women complaining about their healthy boy or girl babies and how they wanted what they did not have. It was very, very hard to be civil to them. I say keep it secret as long as you can. I wish we had, because everyone just bitched about it and THEN bitched about how we would not tell them the name AND THEN bitched about the name we choose. suck it troops, just suck it.

Anonymous said...

Hold on there, AnotherDreamer. It's understandable to feel angry and bitchy with all the family drama. I would be angry too if I got all this unsolicited advice and commentary about my pregnancy from people who have no clue what you are going through. It sounds like they don't see beyond their own experiences with pregnancy and just apply that to you making wild assumptions about how you should be be, look and act.

Do keep listening to your body and your doctor. To hell with the others. They will say all sorts of wrong things as they are naive. The important grain to remember is that most of these naive people do have good intentions and are presumably saying things to be helpful and supportive (even if what they say has the OPPOSITE effect). If their intentions are in questions and when it gets to be too much, sometimes avoidance is the only defense.

Try not to worry about little Nombie who is likely happily growing a little more each day. When you are on this road remember, no bad news= good news.

aliciamarie911 said...

Your step-MIL annoys me. Who care what the sex of the babies are as long as they're healthy! Who cares what she thinks! I'd want to kick her in the shins!

Lay down all you want! You deserve it!

Rebecca said...

Just take time for you. If you need to, shut out the outside world beyond your house. You obviously don't need all the stress that you are experiencing especially with the blood clot. I wish your family would understand but rarely does any family want to see anything but what makes them the center.

I understand the weight gain issue. I'm far from slender and hit the BMI chart at obese myself. I was told that when I get pregnant I'm not allowed to gain weight. Ugh that is going to be fun. That is if I ever get pregnant again.

Stacy said...

Your blog is the one place where you can vent all you want, and not only will no one judge you, most of us have been in a similar situation. Hang in there though, you are doing so well! said...


Vent away!! Lie down as much as you need to!! ahh!!! these people should not be stressing you out with their crapola.

Still praying for you and the little one. I had a dream a few weeks ago about you (is it weird since i don't "know" you or what you look like?) Anyway in the dream you and your dh had one of those hand held u/s machines (from the commercials) and you guys were showing my dh and me your baby-and you were about 17 weeks along. I meant to post this the next day but the days are flying here.

mmsva said...

I love you blog and wonder how you are doing every day. I even like reading your whining and complaining, because sometimes life does sux.

If you want a great community to 'talk' with, go to the Wedding Bee Boards specifically Babies. I know this blog has nothing to do with weddings, but the boards have some of the nicest, most supportive people in cyber space. (for the most part) Not to mention many, many women can totally relate to your step-MIL aggravation!

Lissie said...

I don't have anything I can say that tops what all these awesome ladies have said. I agree with them all. Keep doing what works for you and to heck with anyone else!

Kristin said...

You are not being whiny or bitchy. You are stressed and bored and worried and it's ok to vent to us.

And, if Nombie hangs on long enough for people to start asking the sex, I really think you should look them straight in the face and tell them you are hoping for a puppy. 9 times out of 10, they are so stunned that it shuts them right up.

Diana said...

BIG HUGS! and its ok to vent!! it's UR blog! :) Hope your weekend gets a little better. and ur MIL.. pffftttt.. no comment. hehehe

Shannon Ivy said...

I have PCOS and in the Obese range too... And PRAY that, if I am ever fortunate to get pregnant, I gain minimal as well.

Have you tried the doppler from you side or back (just not on the spine)?