- Step-MIL is sick of having grandsons... so it's fitting then that SIL2 is having another boy this time. I'll admit, I gave a cruel chuckle when I imagined Step-MIL's reaction to that news. I don't understand how she can't just be thankful that it's healthy and there haven't been any complications... but whatever. If this one survives and we find out the gender, I am really thinking about just not telling anyone until it's here, or much later in the pregnancy. Because I am still really miffed by that woman.
- Our car is still down. I don't know when we'll be getting it back, but I hope it's before my appointments next week. I feel really grateful to my mom since she's helping us out with all this, but she's also driving me a little nuts. She's trying to talk to me about my pregnancy like it's a normal pregnancy, trying to tell me when I'm going to start showing or feeling movement based on when she did... and I keep trying to explain things to her medically that all that is too soon. Besides, I have the classic PCOS gut with an anterior placenta, I probably won't be showing or feeling anything for awhile. I mean the placenta could move, but my fat belly is like wearing a giant pillow and probably won't change that much for awhile yet. I have had quite a bit of discomfort from jeans and non-stretchy clothes, and I tried to explain to her it's because my belly and ass are covered with bruises from my injections, but she didn't hear a damn word I was saying.
- One of my aunts stopped by when we over at my mother's to drop my car off, and she said I didn't look like I'd gained much weight yet... umm, first of all I'm still in the first trimester. Secondly, I haven't gained ANY weight. Not a single pound. As a matter of fact, before getting pregnant I lost about 25 pounds and I've been maintaining it well. I told her I hadn't gained any, and the plan is to not to really gain any, to keep it at a minimum. She just kind of looked at my mom like I'm being insane... but I'm OBESE. The goal is to gain as minimal weight as possible, if I gain too much weight it's dangerous. I know what my body needs and doesn't need, and I don't need women who weren't obese when they were pregnant, and haven't been pregnant in the last 26 to 30 years, trying to tell me what I need. Weight gain of 10 or so pounds, fine, but I shouldn't gain anything really in my first trimester. Maybe a pound, but what the hell did she expect? Me to get pregnant and blow up like a balloon overnight?
She also asked if it's really necessary for me to be laying down all the time... uh, it is if that's what hurts less, yeah. I'm going to listen to my body, especially since I'm on BED REST and have a GIANT CLOT in my uterus. After three miscarriages and all my complications, I'm certainly not going to be doing jumping jacks.
- Is it Wednesday yet? The time between appointments is scary, and filled with doubt. I keep wondering if Nombie's still alive, what the clot is doing, and knowing that really there's nothing more I can do anyway. So worry is kind of useless... but I'm going to do it anyway.
- Here's a brief summary of some of the family drama: I had to go through and hide a bunch of my info and photos on FB from my own brother, because he's dating (and living with) a girl I blocked on my FB last year. For a good reason... she's a psychopath that I didn't want anything to do with. I was friends with her a long time ago, and ended the friendship for a good reason (she tried to physically assault me on more than one occasion). I know for a fact that she hasn't changed, because just last year she sent me a nasty email because I declined her friend request. That's when I blocked her. And now, here she is living with my brother. Awesome.
- I'm really bitchy right now. Sorry for all the swearing and angry posts. I'm just really annoyed, I'm trying not to let things get to me... but it's hard not to.
- I'm really glad I'm far removed from everything right now. I mean, it's still there, and I might still have to deal with it... but I don't have to today.
- I still can't get the doppler to work. I think it's because of the anterior placenta. I think I keep finding that, since it's a "whoosh whoosh" noise that's about the speed of my own HB. For a second the other day I think I caught a galloping noise, it might have been the baby, but it was brief, my doppler didn't get a reading on how fast it was, and I couldn't find it again. So who knows. I wish it'd work, that'd really help with my anxiety right now, but I know it's still early and I do have some extra padding anyway. Who knows.
- I think I'm done bitching and moaning for the day. Sorry, I hate to be so whiny but I'm stressed out about situations around me, people being completely oblivious to how my pregnancy isn't "normal", and the constant overlay of worry about the well being of this baby. I'm really scared, and it doesn't do any good to focus on it since there's nothing I can do about it. I'm just feeling very frustrated and helpless right now, and I don't like it one bit.