Sunday, June 19, 2011

Don't understand-

Okay, so you all remember that this is my fourth pregnancy right?

Because no one else does.

Seriously, I don't understand this. After the miscarriages, no one called me. No one asked how I was doing. No one called us on Mother's Day or Father's Day. Most people don't even acknowledge that those pregnancies existed, or what they meant to us.

So I don't understand why they'd bother to tell us happy Mother's Day or Father's Day this year. What, because we have a fetus? Now, NOW they want to acknowledge one of our pregnancies (or rather THIS pregnancy)?

A- didn't appreciate it, he thinks it's inappropriate of them. His mom told him to tell me happy Mother's Day earlier this year, and he tried to explain why it wasn't appropriate then. He probably didn't explain it very well, and I know it's hard to understand... But she did it again today, she left a message for him wishing him a happy Father's Day. He told me he hoped his dad didn't give him another inappropriate Father's Day greeting either. He wasn't mad, but I could tell he was upset.

It's weird how people can pick and choose what they want to believe and see as reality.

To us, those children we lost were everything. Just like this one is. To us, they are the same. Yes, this time we got to see it forming, moving, hear it's heart beating- but we could still lose it, just like we lost all the other ones. We wanted them all, we put so much effort into creating them, they were ours hopes, our dreams, our life.

So I don't understand why they feel like acknowledging one pregnancy, but they never bothered with the others.

Oh that's right- because they don't think anything could possibly go wrong at this point?- Because this one is an 'actual baby' to them? Because we're pretty much in the second trimester and they think that means we're 'safe'? Because they don't understand anything that's going on right now?

(*sigh*) I said it before, and I'll say it again: Ignorance is bliss.


Two People in Love said...

My fingers are crossed for you. I know exactly what you mean. Today I gave my husband an extra little squeeze because I feel like it's so much harder to be a parent who has lost and yet no one acknowledges that you actually are a parent.

((((hugs to you and your A))))

Kristin said...

All I can offer up are my {{{hugs}}] and understanding.

Stinky said...

oh, hard to watch, I hear you. I think 'longer living' babies will always be more of a reality to most people outside of the mum and dad. Not saying I agree with it, no, its just another way of creating that sense of separation and 'different feeling/perception'

Wonder if people who go through a still birth and have no other children get acknowledged on these days?

Kelly said...

I truly could have written this post myself. The part that makes it even more unbearable is when you try and explain it to people and they still don't understand/respect your feelings. They may not agree, but need to understand.


Rebecca said...

If it happened to them they'd probably understand a bit better is my thought. My mom was so blase' about my miscarriage and said to me, "well God obviously didn't mean you to have this one". She never said she was sorry for my loss or the loss of her grandbaby either. My family doesn't acknowledge the fact that I too was a mother...even if mine never made it out alive.

I just can't figure some folks out. Why are they such idiots!

Hugs to you and your spouse. At least you know us infertiles get what you are going through, though its of little comfort.

I have hope for you and this pregnancy.

iamstacey said...

Sending hugs your way. I'm so glad you and Nombie are still doing okay.

loribeth said...

@ Stinky (above): Generally not, unfortunately. :p @ AD: (((HUGS))). Hang in there!