Monday, November 16, 2009

It never ends-

So, after not properly testing it out I am not sure if my faint positive yesterday was because of pregnancy, or still from the trigger- I was 10 days past ovulation (dpo), otherwise known as 11 days after trigger. The last time my trigger was out 8 days later at 7dpo. So, technically it should be out.

A faint dollar tree test this morning showed a super faint positive as well. There wasn't really a line yesterday on that brand, but today there is a hard to see one. My First Response test last night definitely had a line, but it was light. I can't say it definitely wasn't the trigger though, unfortunately. So I planned on retesting today to see how that line is doing, if it went away, etc...

So I went upstairs just now to use the bathroom, and I found pink and red spotting. Great. Little late for implantation, so my guess is the end. I thought, okay, still going to test with the First Response test though... but even if it comes back positive I am still not going to hold onto any hope because all signs point to no.

So I tested... still a faint positive. Granted it was with diluted urine, but still... pretty darn faint.
Add that to my spotting and you get=
Fuck.

Looks like I may be adding another chemical pregnancy to my list.

Yes, yes, I know. It could very well still be viable or something or other if I really am pregnant.
I will call the doc tomorrow and annoy them about those possibilities. They probably don't want to hear it though, because they told me not to test until 14 days after my IUI.

I'm just going to curl into a ball and bawl my eyes out now.

ETA: I know it's still to early to confirm one way or another. But right now I feel like it is, and if I get my period tomorrow I will never know for sure. And that sucks big time. And it may be to early to say my period is on it's way too, except last time I had spotting at 12dpo and got my period in full force on 13dpo. Sooo... this is very similar except a day off (and except for the fact that I had negative tests on 10, 11, and 12dpo last time too) So... I am not 100%, as I said... I just feel like I know where this is going.

17 comments:

elephantscanremember said...

(Hugs) I wish it were easier.

Penny said...

I wish it were easier too.

10dpo is too early for any declarations of yes, no, a little bit, was, is, etc., but you've been through this enough, perhaps, that you can call it. I used to be able to call a bust cycle before any indication of anything (there was this weird thing that happened). Anyway. I'm so sorry.

'Murgdan' said...

I'm sorry you even have a reason to doubt. Blood sucks. I'm so sorry you're hurting.

Michelle said...

Many hugs! I am so sorry this is not easier and better.

shannon said...

I am so sorry!

birdsandsquirrels said...

Oh, hun, hang in there. At 14 dpo of this pregnancy I was still getting very faint lines on First Response, even after I had a rising second beta. Hopefully the spotting is just that - implantation spotting that took a little while to work its way out.

I know you have to prepare yourself for the worst, and I don't want to be annoying, but I'm holding on to a damn big sack of hope for you.

Call your doctor tomorrow and insist on a beta - throw a fit if you have to. After all you've been through you deserve to have some solid data to follow over the next few days, instead of agonizing over the relative faintness or lines. I'm hoping hoping hoping that this is it. I'll be holding my breath and waiting for news...

Celia said...

I hope your day is better and that ho bag Aunt Flo stays far away.

Celia said...

hey, Birds is right. Insist on a beta. You know your body by now.

WiseGuy said...

Ugh...I do not know what this is...but I hope it is implantation bleeding, or something like that...how more fu##ed up can all this get....

Just hoping and wishing and praying for you!

Guera! said...

I am really sorry. Hang in there. (easier said than done I know...)

Sweet Georgia said...

I'm sorry.

Bluebird said...

Aw, honey. I'm so sorry. I totally understand testing early and the way you must be feeling. I hope with all my might that you're wrong!! But I get it, and it breaks my heart for you. Sending lots of ((hugs))

MrsSpock said...

Ack! The not knowing and worrying sucks.

AMC said...

My heart is with you. I wanted to thank you for your nice posting on my blog the other day. My relationship with my Mom is so toxic right now and it really bothers me deep down in my soul. I have decided to cut off ties with her and it's very difficult. Your post made me feel better. I feel like I am the only person with a Mom like mine. It's good to know others can relate. Thank you.

Jessi Wallace said...

Hey, I hope this is a sticky BFP for you. Are you cramping or anything? How heavy is the flow? I know lottttsssss of women who had bright red spotting and still had successful pregnancies... I'm not losing hope for you, I still think it's a chance.

dreamsofquiet said...

hugs
I'm so sorry.
Holding hope for you.

luna said...

ugh, this is so maddening. I'm so sorry. I know how hard it is to be hopeful with those signs. why can't anything be easy?

I also wanted to thank you so very much for your support. it means a lot.