Betas are supposed to double every 48 to 72 hours... mine did not. It went from 30 to 44 in 48 hours... most likely non-viable. Not that I'm surprised.
Now, I am asking the universe to just let it be a defective embryo, and not an ectopic. Not to sound crazy, but I would like to minimize the damages. A chromosomally abnormal embryo I can handle, I've had it before, but I don't want to deal with an ectopic. Please not the added drama of an ectopic.
And so... this is my limit. This is my breaking point. This is me calling it quits. At this point, I'm not sure I want to try embryo adoption because I can not handle going through this again. At least not anytime soon. I know things change, but for now this is how I feel. Right now, I don't ever want to be pregnant again. Maybe I will want to in a month, or a year, maybe never, who knows. But for now, fuck that shit.
I think we're going to take a break from attempting any paths to parenthood for awhile. It's been a really long, and hard, two and a half years. And I am just... done. I can't do this anymore. I can't.
I know now that a biological child is something that I can not have, and am not sure I even want anymore... not at this price. And as much as I want to adopt, I know we can't right now. So where does that leave us?
Babyless, childless, and probably suffering our third loss.
On a break- until further notice.
More news to come Monday, when I get poked again for a repeat beta... fucking hell.