Tuesday, November 17, 2009

can I get off the train now-

13 days after trigger, 12 days past ovulation, and still a positive test. Highly doubting it's the trigger, but what do I know. I'm not a professional, right? What is it with nurses at infertility clinics? Why can't I ever get a compassionate one? Why do they act like I'm a freaking nut who doesn't know how my body works? Like I'm an idiot or something. Like I haven't been through this before.

She tells me, "It's to early to tell, and it's to early for a beta to be definitive."

Bull shit. My beta at 11dpo was fucking definitive last pregnancy, and the rising time after showed that it was progressing. I don't see how doing a beta, and then a follow-up beta two days later, wouldn't be definitive in this scenerio.

I explained how my body metabolizes the trigger fast, and that I know when I ovulated (the evening of my IUI) But no, it's still too early to know for sure. I should wait till Friday, like I was supposed to. My IUI was on a Thursday, they told me two weeks after that to test. Umm, so Thursday is when they told me to test. So to add on to it, they're trying to make me wait yet another day for everything. Fucking hell.

I guess I was hysterical enough because, after she told me it sounds like the spotting just means my period is coming and the test doesn't mean anything, well then she tells me that if it will make me feel better I can get the beta.

Yeah, if it would make me feel better. She says normally they would have the patients wait, but since it's me we could go ahead. Thanks, that really helps so much.

I asked when she would be calling the order in. She seemed surprised that I wanted it today... umm, why would I be calling if I didn't want it today? She said she would have it called in within the next half hour. Oh, but shit. The lab closes at 4pm, and it was around 3:35pm when I got off the phone... and it's over a 30 minute drive with after school and rush hour traffic (for some reason rush hour starts at 4 on the interstate)... yeah, no way I could make it. And very unlikely the order would have even been in before they closed.

So I guess insensitive nurse gets her way, and I will just wait this out and see what happens.

Spotting continues. Brown. Just like I had in my last pregnancy. Of course, it could be my period on it's way. Whatever. I am so done with this. I should have waited to test, but I'm a fucking moron. Am I pregnant, am I not, do I even fucking care at this point?

Damn. I feel stupid, and gyyped, and there's this crushing weight on my chest because this is it. This was the last real try for a biological child, at least for a very very long time. And I expected failure. I did. But not like this- I expected swift quick failure like last time. Now I have to wait and see how things progress tonight into tomorrow morning, and if mean bitch shows her face or not.

13 comments:

Meghan said...

Wow, wow, wow. I officially HATE that nurse. You are not a fucking moron. She is.

Hang in there. I am so sorry you are being made to wait. You need answers. You need resolution. You need this baby to stick (and there is a pregnancy... HELLOOOOOO nurse!)

Thinking of you.

elephantscanremember said...

(Hugs) I do not like your nurse either.

I had my beta at 12dpo (14dpt) and got an accurate result. (I had been getting positive hpts until the evening before.) I did not get good news from my beta. That said, I do hope your body is doing what it's supposed to be doing and working on that little baby!

Kristin said...

That nurse SUCKS!

Are you on progesterone? If not, have them check that level too. {{{Hugs}}} and good luck.

Michelle said...

I love how they think they know more then you about your own body. Just because it says that in "the book" does not mean it always goes that way. In "the book" it also says you get pregnant by having sex in the privacy of your own home. UGH! Sometimes they just need to listen to the patient. I am sending good thoughts your way!

shannon said...

keeping you in my thoughts.

Penny said...

Arg. The last days of the 2ww are the worst. They last 2 million years long and your body keeps its cards too close to its body to tell.

I'm crossing my fingers for you, as always.

Sweet Georgia said...

It sounds to me like you don't need a beta to prove that this worked. You'll need it to check HCG levels and make sure it's rising. For the record, my nurse told me that there is bleeding/spotting in 50% of normal pregnancies.

Dora said...

Please try not to compare this with other cycles. Every pregnancy, even in the same woman is different. My mother spotted all through her pg with my sister. Hang in there. Hoping hard for you.

Jessi Wallace said...

Girlfriend, you've GOT to be pregnant!!! We know when the trigger leaves our systems... for me, it was usually around 7-8 dpo, but like you, I tested at 9, 10, 11 DPo before believing the test had to be real... 9 and 10 were very faint and 11 was a lot darker. I think you're pregnant and the nurse needs to suck it! Do you have an OB you can work with? Someone who can give you a beta ASAP?! Go get one, girl! I think this is it!!!!!! :) :)

Jessi Wallace said...

P.S. Brown is good! You read my blog, you know, LOL... I spot brown all the time... don't lose hope, I still have it all for you!

Mo and Will said...

Ugh. This is SO hard. With you. Sorry about that sucky nurse and hoping you get some answers soon.

Bluebird said...

I think swift failures are easier, sometimes. I'm so sorry for you.

And, fwiw, still holding out hope.

birdsandsquirrels said...

What a bitch that nurse was! I'm glad you finally got her to call in a beta for you. I've been thinking about you all day, hoping for great beta news and an end to the spotting.