Just like with V's pregnancy, I can't escape this pregnancy after loss brain. The day of an ultrasound? Oh, I'm okay. Peachy. Everything looks okay today.
It's the tomorrow you have to look out for.
I'm feeling pretty optimistic about things. And I hate that. I really do. Illogical, I know. I feel optimistic, then I worry and remind myself how much worse it would hurt to lose them now after allowing myself to believe they might make it. Even if just for a moment: just imagining a cute announcement, or hanging two little stockings next to ours (like we did with V while he was still on the inside). It's going to hurt if we lose them anyway, but how much worse after allowing myself to imagine them sticking around? Ugh. Stupid brain.
The next 12 days are going to take forever. This is why I wanted to wait to go in, when we would see more. When we would know more.
I can't stop worrying, or preparing for the worst... some people cope better going in believing, but not me. This is how I cope. I have to remind myself that nothing is set in stone. I don't think a lot of people get that. I have to keep myself grounded. I've been burned too many times before not to. Hopeful? That's fine. Optimistic, bordering on believing? Oh no, not cool. I know... I know...
One day at a time.