Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Time creeping by-
Here's Nombie from Monday, 9wks2days. Chillin', despite the nasty clot.
I really hope Nombie is still alive.
Why isn't it Tuesday yet?
I finally grew a pair and called to schedule the OB visit... I suppose I can always cancel if the worst happens... or rather, have my husband call and cancel for me. I did not like making that call though.
My PIO injection the other night left a nasty painful lump under my skin. Now it hurts all the time, and laying on that side is out of the question... unless I'm at an odd angle. Awesome.
I miss real food. My husband is "culinarily challenged". I know eating in bed, having meals brought to you, is a bit of a novelty... but it's sorely worn out it's welcome. I miss my own cooking, but I'm not going up and down and up and down the stairs for it. So... I'm dealing. But I swear, all this processed crap is going to be the death of me: it's gross, high in calories, high in sodium, and... just not healthy at all.
I sound whiny. I've practically been on bedrest this entire pregnancy though, some self imposed, some ordered by my doctor, and some recommended by my doctor. That's a really long time to not leave my house, other than to see my doctor.
Don't think I'm ungrateful that I'm still pregnant, because everyday that Nombie is still alive... words can not express how grateful I am. But this is really hard on me, physically and emotionally. Physically I'm cramping rather painfully at times, I keep bleeding off and on, I hurt from my injections (not just when we do them, but all night after too), I hurt from laying in my bed, and my diet has crashed my system. Emotionally, I try to stifle my tears every time I start cramping really bad again, it seems like it's one thing after another this pregnancy, I wonder every day if Nombie is still alive, I live in fear, I wonder how I'll ever find the strength to survive if we lose this one too, I see how our entire lives have been completely altered and yet we don't even know how this is going to end.
I'm so scared for Nombie... and I'm scared for myself. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but it's hard living your life like that.