Saturday, September 12, 2009

Ramblings of a dejected mind

I go back to see my doctor tomorrow morning. As much as I feel comfortable with this doctor, love this doctor, wish this cycle would work- I can't feel it. I can't believe in it. I feel more confident, I feel we're at least putting forth some effort here... but after my last medicated cycle, I have very little faith in anything.

I can't even tell if my ovaries are actually starting to feel sore, or if I am just imagining it, or if that's just because of all the walking I did yesterday. I don't even want to think about it, because no matter what conculsion I come to? It would mean nothing.

And this migraine I got today? I won't allow myself to imagine that it's from the medication. I do get migraines on a weekly basis anyway, and though I get them more often on treatments... well, I'd prefer to think that just my regular inconvient migraines.

Other than that, working until midnight so often has really been dragging me down. My sleep pattern is all off, and I am burnt out. Totally done with this, and looking foward to having a week off soon. My co-workers, gah. I only see them for 5 minutes while we change shifts, but they are grating my nerves. Am I bitchy much? Maybe. I just don't like their attitudes, some of them are so snooty. As if I don't sound snooty right now... right? I'm chalking the bitch factor up to just being a run of the mill bitter bitch- and not because of the hormones.
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Want some TMI?
Let's talk about dil.do cams, shall we?

My old RE had a wand that hurt, it was so odd shapped. Like a freaking triangle on the end, except reversed, like no soft covering on the stupid wand. It reminded me of a minature abdominal wand, on a long stick. Ungh. The machine, the wand, were all so outdated. Everytime he dug for lefty, I bit back a yelp. So unpleasant.

My new doc has a newer machine, and it's more aerodynamic... I don't even feel it, like at all. Now, I know this sounds silly... but this is important. You have to have this thing shoved up where it don't belong, a huge violation of your privacy, unpleasant all the way around... the least they could do is make them more natural. A good wand seems to be hard to come by, but this one is much better. Thought I'd share that with you, because among the differences in the offices, this may seem minor... but it's really not. I know we don't talk about these types of things often, but we should.

Or I could be rambling again, I didn't get much sleep again...
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There was totally something else I was meaning to write about, something I've been mulling over... but I keep forgetting about it. Maybe someday soon I will remember, and I'll be all over that. If I can remember what it was in the first place...
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Update tomorrow, I suppose.

4 comments:

Michelle said...

The wand my doc uses seems ok except for when he says "I am going to pick up your ovary"...like that is just totally natural...uh OWWW

WiseGuy said...

Don't feel dejected please...you are still on!!

I agree with you on the wand thing....I have been through with several of them at different places...and I liked the one that was there in the IVF centre I went to...it was the least fussy...

Good Luck to you...and I hope you soon remember what you were planning to post about.

iamstacey said...

It's the hormones and the drugs. And it's ok to be bitchy, we've earned it. :)

Sweet Georgia said...

Hope the appointment tomorrow goes well! I know what you mean about the difference a good wand can make. It's also about how the person using it handles it. Glad that's one more good thing about the switch.