Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Eleven years

Eleven years, and a few days, ago...
How could I have forgotten to mark it's passing.

I was getting in the van to go home from my friends house.
And my mother told me, those horrible horrible words,
"D- lost the baby."

And I couldn't understand, "What?" I said.
And she replied, "The baby died."

I was fourteen, and this was my first experience with death.
My niece. Beautiful Amariah.
She was full term when her heart beat stopped.
Just like that.

My sister was younger than I am now.
And none of us saw it coming.

Babies aren't supposed to die.

Half-way across the county, alone, my sister mourned.
We only heard how she mourned, we couldn't be there for her in person.
We heard of her holding Amariah for hours, staying in the nursery holding what was left of hopes and dreams.

Half-way across the country, I cried in the backseat of a van while we went home.
And I spent weeks watching my mother cry, and not completely understanding.
Because, when I saw her last she had been fine. Her belly huge with expectations.

I couldn't understand what happened. But I could cry.

I can't believe I forgot the anniversary until it had passed. It's already September.
It's like Amariah died a few days ago. And I cried all over again today.

Beautiful, perfect, Amariah.
Your auntie still misses you.
Even after all these years-
I still love you.

7 comments:

Michelle said...

HUGS to you and your family...it is so sad when a baby dies...it is so unfair!!!

Kristin said...

Losses like those never go away. Time and distance does dull the pain and sometimes that means we miss the date by a little bit. We are only human. {{{Hugs}}} and prayers for your family.

The Steadfast Warrior said...

My brother's passing always sneaks up me now. It's a sign of time passing and doing its bit to heal. The pain never goes away but it changes.

Remembering your niece with you.

Sweet Georgia said...

I'm sorry for your loss. Losing someone is never easy, but it always seems that much more horrible when it's a baby. Take care.

janis said...

Thinking of you, and sweet Amariah, and your sister.
Holding you in my thoughts lots. Hang in there. xo

Bluebird said...

I hate that your family has known so much heartache. I just doesn't make sense :(

WiseGuy said...

Dear Amariah...you are missed much and loved a lot. Be in peace.