Calling it-

13dpo and the tests say no.

I know that some women get late positives and so forth, but with all 4 of my pregnancies I've gotten a positive at 11dpo- at the latest. I use really sensitive tests; they can pick up HCG as low as 10. I'll test again either tonight or in the morning, but I think I'm going to stop the Crinone tonight. I might wait until tomorrow.

I feel pretty comfortable calling it though.

I didn't really expect this cycle to work. It would have been really nice though. I feel a little disappointed, but I'm okay... low expectations and all that. Self preservation, yada yada. Been there, done that.

Hopefully CD1 will be right around the corner and we can get this show on the road. Next cycle will be 200mg Clomid, 2mg Dexamethasone, and a lot of finger crossing. We should have a mid-cycle ultrasound to check on things, and hopefully a trigger. And of course, progesterone support. If we make it that far.

There are 4 months until our break, so maybe something will happen in that time frame... maybe it won't. We'll have a 3 month break to regroup after that though, if things don't happen. Which is good. No so good that my brother's baby is due during that break, which I'm sure if we haven't conceived (or god forbid we miscarry again before then) will bring up emotions. Lots of emotions. But it's going to be okay- I've weathered worse.

Knowing how worse things can be and choosing to weather this again... it is a sort of insanity, isn't it? I don't know, for me it sort of feels that way at times. It's worth it when it works, it really and truly is. And for me, it's worth it for the peace of mind even if it doesn't. That doesn't make it easy though. It just makes it more bearable, I guess.