Still alive, I think-

It's been such a long month, not as in time is dragging but rather that physically I am exhausted. I am looking forward to next weekend, hell I'm looking forward to Wednesday evening, because I go back to my regular days at long last. I hope I go back to them and stay there... really hoping my boss doesn't get it in her head to switch things up on me. I can't work graveyard shift every other day of the week... I'm getting too old for this crap.

Soooo, I'm exhausted.

I'm in research and planning mode, weighing all options against odds of success, financial risks, and our desire to pursue. Budgeting, which we already were, but I'm reevaluating yet again (the whole saving money thing would be going swimmingly if it weren't for us throwing away so much money on fertility treatments each month... imagine that). Trying to think about where we're going and about when/what/if we talk to family about what we're thinking/pursuing. Just, lots of things being processed and evaluated right now. But, still planning on our current tentative plans as of now, and just trying to work out other details and make sure this is what we want to do.

And I'm waiting to go back to the doctor on Tuesday. I'm really not expecting anything there though, just want to get it over with and start progesterone if I need it. Even if there's a follicle, I don't think I'll throw the money away on an IUI this time... we'd rather save that money for the possible injectable cycle next month instead. I mean I can't say for certain that's what we'll do, but that's what I'm thinking right now.

I upped my dose of Metformin this past week. My doctor let me choose to either use 1500mg or 2000mg, but I thought I had a little trouble handling the higher dose. Well, I decided to up it after the last mid-cycle, just to give the higher dose a try again. It's been going pretty well. No gastrointestinal issues really, thank goodness. I have been experiencing some hot flashes, which aren't really associated with Femara for me, so I don't think it's from that. I'm wondering if maybe it's from the Metformin... or perhaps the recent sleep deprivation... I'll mention it to my doctor on Tuesday, just so she's aware.

Still haven't gained a single pound this year. Yay! I'm sure that's not such a huge feat for a lot of people, but with fertility treatments and PCOS, and everything... it's actually pretty awesome for me. For reals. I would love to lose weight, but not gaining any is pretty good. I'll take what I can get.

Trying to be hopeful that next year is going to be better... I told myself in the car tonight that this is the final countdown, we're almost done. I'm going to live my life for today, and hope for tomorrow again. Next year will be a different journey, a different beast.

I'm hoping a friendly, tamer, beast... but I suppose only time will tell on that one. Right?