Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Changing course-

I must be one of the most indecisive infertility bloggers out there. But seriously, there's only so many options left we're willing to try, or that even seem worth trying, coupled with financial risks and our own craptastic treatment history. Making one decision may nullify another, if we do one and it fails it will take that much longer to pursue a different one, what we need to do and what we want to do don't always match up... it's dizzying the things we must consider.

Oh dear, I'm rambling.

We'd already decided that we would finish this cycle. We already decided we would try the injectable cycle next month too. We decided we would see about taking December off and perhaps doing another Clomid cycle in January... unmonitored, just for the hell of it.

But after that things were... foggy, and overwhelming.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. My husband wasn't sure what he wanted to do anymore. Neither of us were sure if we were ready to stop trying to conceive altogether, look into more options, stop trying and start saving, or what. We've spent a lot of time talking things over this week, to evaluate what we wanted to do, what we felt we needed to do, where we're going, when we're cutting ourselves off.

We've come back to some tentative plans, which may change (they're always, always, subject to change). While we are still interested in fostering, and infant adoption, we did decide we want to look into embryo adoption again first. Honestly... when we researched it last year we were both very interested in it. And we're both still very interested in it. If we hadn't had the third miscarriage, we probably would have tried to already. But, that third miscarriage really put a damper on things. There are risks with frozen donor embryos, and it may not work, and it does have financial risks, but we do want to at least look into it more. There are a lot of things to consider, and we're not jumping into anything, but we're going to keep looking into it.

So... we'll see how that goes, how things pan out until then, and if we have second thoughts again. But that's what we're thinking right now. Tentatively. We'll see how viable this option is in the upcoming months, think about it some more, but for now- one day at a time.


Celia said...

It is a very excellent idea to take off December. The holidays are enough on their own without TTC. Ugh.

Glass Case of Emotion said...

Off in December is a good idea.

I do think Embryo Donation/ adoption is a great idea. That is my next move in this long chess game of TTC. So follow along, I may be headad there in early 2011.

But I will hold out hope neither of us need to get there.

Kristin said...

Taking a month off is a wise idea. I also think it's a good idea to look into donor embryos. said...

Sounds like a good plan! I would probably take December off too. Just for a sanity break. The holidays are stressful enough without the pressure of IF.

I hope the 2nd dose of Fem.ara does it's thing though. When do you go back for another u/s?

AnotherDreamer said...

We go back on Tuesday... not expecting much at this point. said...

A great idea indeed. Hopefully things will work out.

I can just say it and say it, and I wish there was more of a magic spell to my words.