Wednesday, April 22, 2009

F.B. you fiend, you fiend.

I do not begrudge other's their pregnant happiness, but right now... I can't handle it.

I am happy for my friend, I really am... but I'm still not back at 100% since the miscarriage. Who am I kidding, I'll never be 100% anyway... but I need to be at least 87% to be functional. I don't think I'm there yet.

Thank goodness the developers of F.B. created the Hide option.
Ahhh, relief. All happy pregnant status updates from a certain someone are now hidden from my homepage. The unintentional assault has been stopped for now.


I should be writing a paper right now, but I find myself itching to look at the adoption information that came in the mail today. I would very much like to read it, since it is a comprehensive overview of what our county requires... but on the other hand, this paper I need to write is worth a huge chunk of my grade. And I have until October to look over all the adoption options and requirements; the entire summer!

Damn it. See, this is what infertility does to you. Complicates your life.
Can't think: infertility. Can't focus: infertility options. Can't concentrate: infertility, maybe adoption.

It's on the mind 24/7 even if you're not trying to think about it, it's there.

I'm serious. I mean, I'll be sitting in class thinking,
"I can't have babies. Doctor's appointment such and such day. Pills, pills, pills. Infertility, damn it. Adoption, hmmmm. Oh, we're reading Margaret Atwood... hmm, I don't need to pay attention, I've already read this. Where was I? Adoption... very possible. How how how. We could deal with such and such by doing such and such... maybe this cycle will work though. Maybe baby? No, maybe miscarriage. Damn infertility."

Well, not those exact words, but you get the gist.

I know, I've already wrote this post before. But it's just so exhausting. Even when I try not to think about it, I think about it. It drives me insane.

Speaking of which.
I probably should write that damn paper.



Celia said...

I hid someone on Facebook for the same reason.

Kristin said...

Glad you had the hide option!

Good luck getting your paper done.

Bluebird said...

I'm scared the "hide" feature won't give me enough protection and so just refuse to joing Facebook all together :)

Good luck getting your paper done! I (am supposed to) do nothing but read and write all day myself and so get you with the constant distraction.

WiseGuy said...

I don't Facebook. I am on it, but I never bother to check it up regularly....

Get that paper done! Infertility is a mindfuck. I know.

Michelle said...

I do the same thing with FB. Good Luck with your paper.

G$ said...

I love the hide this person feature on FB... its the only reason I am still on it :)

Hope you got the paper done.

MrsSpock said...

Hey, I will be doing a post or two very soon interviewing an adoption expert from the Ohio Family Building conference on my blog! I have tons of notes from the conference, if there's any info I can pass along...

Anonymous said...

I am right there with you - IF thoughts just intrude on everything. I just want this "phase" of my life to be over, one way or another. Well, one particular way but I want it NOW!

What Margaret Atwood book are you reading? I love most of her stuff and wish it was assigned reading in one of my classes. I'm jealous!