I don't mean to be.
I really don't, but lately, it's just there...
I am angry that I can't get pregnant.
I am angry I can't stay pregnant.
I am angry about my health insurance.
I am angry about my body.
I am angry about all my medical bills.
I am angry about my student loans.
I am angry that my mother's mental state keeps slipping.
I am angry about my family and various issues.
I am angry about my recent telephone stalkers.
I am angry about my health.
I am angry about my house.
I am angry that while I can live comfortably, I can't save up money well.
I am angry that infertility is kicking my physical, emotional, mental, and financial ass.
I am angry that my homework keeps not getting done. It's a mysterious thing.
I am angry angry angry.
I get so sick of being angry.
But, there you have it.
Today though, I thought... you know, maybe it's not so bad. Maybe...
because the tree I planted for the first miscarriage... has new blooms on it.
It was a beautiful thing; but so full of reminders.
You know, I should have a three month old right now.
I should be 13wks pregnant right now.
But I'm not.
And I never know if I am going to be.
And I'm angry about that.
I want to scream.
I want to yell at the top of my lungs.
I want this to end.