Answers and planning-

We heard back about a few things.

First of all- no infertility coverage. But no surprise there.

Lovenox... I've been freaking out about this. If it was still a tier 4 we would have to pay $250-375 a month for it, wheras our old policy it was $100-150 a month. In other words, if it was still a tier 4 we would be looking at Heparin or putting off TTC... possibly indefinitely. They told us that it is a level 3 though (thank goodness) so the generic would be $70 a month- if what they've told us is correct. We will need to recheck this, and I want it in writing, but it looks like it will be cheaper under this new policy.

PIO injections however will be going from $10 to $40 for a months worth. Still, it could be worse.

We still have NO idea what our premium is going to be... it's supposed to come out of our next paycheck, and we still don't know how much we're going to be out next month. To me, that's just unprofessional. I'm sorry, but we need a little more advanced warning than mere days to rework our entire budget. The only possible bright side here is that DH had asked for a raise to compensate for the increased premium- and they haven't outright turned it down. So there's still hope that we might be able to get that to offset the costs. I'm not too hopeful, because I know how these people work, but it's something.

Our fertility clinic used to code things so that we could get coverage, like ultrasounds were for PCOS (which let's be honest, isn't an outright lie. Coding is a tricky thing.). They no longer do that, so absolutely everything is coded as infertility. No coverage whatsoever. We paid out of pocket for the blood work recently, and we'll be paying all out of pocket again. This isn't new to us, I had to do this with my first OB and my first RE. Still, it was nice to have a little help while it lasted. I'll always be grateful for that.

So, I need to call next week and figure out how much my TSH draw will be (that's coming up on the 7th) and we'll need to figure out about when to schedule our next consult with our new RE. I'm still hoping we'll get in with Dr. M, but we'll see how that plays out.

As of right now, it looks like we'll still be moving forward. I'm still having issues with my birth control pills and this new brand isn't any better. Part of me wishes I could just stop the damn things now, because this bleeding every other week is getting old. I still have about 1 week left after this pack, and then we have 4 weeks of a brand new pack. These ones don't have a week of inactive pills, it steps the hormones down so there are only two actual inactive pills, and this has me both confused and concerned. I don't know how beneficial these will be for hormone regulation with their wonky hormone ratios.

I just don't know.

I have started to consider things to put in motion when we start TTC. While the odds of us conceiving quickly are pretty low, I don't want to move forward without planning for it. My old RE, Dr. J, seemed to think getting another SCH may very well be inevitable. She said that she hopes that if we do, next time it will be smaller, but I am at pretty high risk for it. Yay me. I won't be able to stay on strict bed rest this time around though (not with V running around), but I can plan for restricted activities and plot ways of making things easier for is. I'm thinking freezer meals, both for the oven and the crockpot. I've never really done much in that way, so if anyone has advice or websites, hit me up in the comment section. I just remember how bad things were last time- as much as I love my husband, that really didn't go so well. While he did try to cook for me using my recipes, it was almost always a disaster. Bless his heart for trying though! We bought way too much fast food last time, and we can neither afford that physically or financially this time.

I've only told my online friends from my support groups, readers of this blog, and my best friend about our plans. My husband's boss might know now though, given his inquiries about insurance issues. Otherwise, I still plan to keep things under wraps this time. Granted we did that last time too- we didn't start talking about it until after the first miscarriage. I really don't want anyone's opinion, or criticisms, or expectations though (they really do think I'm not infertile anymore, like I have a magical combination/cure, which is crazy-pants.) If it works, we'll talk openly about all the planning and everything, but I'd rather not deal with people this time around.

It sounds like I'm not really planning for the more obvious result- not getting pregnant or carrying to term. But honestly, there isn't much to plan for there. I grieve. I learn to cope. I keep trying, whether it's biologically or through adoption. We'll enter the new year with a new resolve, and do what we can. Taking the hits as they come and rolling with the punches.

Part of me feels like this year is a training session, you know? A re-entry into the world I spent immersed in for so long. I've slowly started frequenting the infertility forums. I've looked back in my notes, my blog, remembered where we came from. I've slowly been allowing myself to picture us doing this. I've made baby steps back into the clinic. We've started the process, and we're taking it one day at a time. I guess I don't really expect much from this year, other than a reawakening. I want to enter this slowly, like infertility is an old friend that I've lost contact with. I've never forgotten what we've been through, how cruel she can be, but I've let myself gloss over some aspects. It's those aspects that I think will pack the most punch though.