Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Plugging along-

I am 5 days past what I think was ovulation now. Time seems to be going especially slow this week. Even without any expectations, I still would like to get to testing. I just want to know what I'm up against, that's all.

Hope is trying to creep in, that demon bitch.

Hmm, I think I wrote this exact same post last cycle. I am feeling especially redundant these days.

Trying to stay busy, and distracted. Getting bored easily most days, but enjoying life at the moment. It's wonderful to have so much free time, after spending so long going full throttle with work and school and fertility treatments. I'm only obligated to be somewhere 2 days a week now, instead of 6. It is awesome. At one point in college, I had to be at either school or work 7 days a week- the stress made me sick, and my doctor ordered me to take two days off work in a row. I quit that job not long after, it was part-time but I was working 35 hours a week for some stupid reason. I asked for less hours, they refused to give them to me.

There were times when I was just in school, or just working- but only for a few months at a time. I am still adjusting to being out of school. I graduated at the end of December, and then had my hand operated on shortly after New Years. Then a month later, barely recovered from the first surgery, I had the other hand done. Then before those stitches were out, I had my laproscopy/hysteroscopy/ovarian drilling procedure done... another week of intensive healing. I am just recently 100% healed from everything, and back to normal and living my life.

And I am realizing how boring I am, and how empty the nights are. On one hand, I have all this free time and it is so nice. I can read, play games, watch a movie, I clean a lot now (my house is the cleanest it's been in years) But the nights just drag themselves out, it's so quiet and I feel even more like the crazy cat lady I truly am. My cats are totally spoiled with me being home so much, little adorable monsters. They're driving me batty, and yet they're the only thing keeping me sane. And my dogs, they love having me home more often. But I see more than I used to while I was so busy. I see how they've aged while I was focused on school and work. Saying their 14 and 11 is a lot different now because I see it everyday. How did my darlings get so old? When did my dog start having trouble with her hips? When did the other one start going deaf? I mean, I knew these things- I noticed them- but they're breaking my heart watching them everyday. My little old couple.

Enough rambling- I'm going to find something else to distract myself with now.
Testing in a week... blah.


Kristin said...

You aren't boring...and I'm crossing my fingers for this cycle.

Michelle said...

Trust me I know what it is like to be bored! I have now been out of a job for almost a year and I am going crazy! When you do not have any kids to take care of staying home just seems blah. I think I might enjoy it a little more in the summer but all winter I was thinking I would much rather be working and that is something I never thought I would feel. Try to enjoy this time!