Sunday I fought all the sadness inside me while I listened to my in-laws harp over pregnant-sister-in-law.
Monday I cried all day over other things- my failure to respond to the medicine, my bad appointment, my lack of options, the knowledge that we are looking at adoption now and we are looking at years and a sum of money that is hard to fathom, for all the children I lost, and all the children I will never have, for the end of an era.
Tuesday, the two year (*sigh*) anniversary of my first miscarriage rolled by- but I had spent all my tears the day before, I had nothing left to give.
Today is a new day.
Today I will polish up my resume, and I will start looking for a better job. I love my current one, but it's minimum wage and part-time. I'll never be able to afford the life I want staying here, as much as I would love to.
Today I will reevaluate our life and start cutting unnecessary spending like a queen.
Today I will take my goal of losing weight more seriously.
Today I will get rid of my last pregnancy book.
8 comments:
AD,
I read through your previous posts as well. I find it so hard to put my feeings in words, because I seem to be repeating myself.
I think you should take a break...a no treatment, no medicine break for a little while.
I hope your resume turns out well.
This is breaking you, and I think you should right now work on yourself.
(Hugs) I do wish you strength and comfort in the days ahead.
Wishing you peace with finding a new way of life and luck with finding a new job. It is a new day and anything is possible. :)
I think it's really important to still keep living the rest of your life even while dealing with the infertility. Of course, it's easier said than done, but I think you are taking some good steps to make yourself happy and that is awesome.
((HUG)) I am sorry for your losses.
I hope that your new resume lands you a better job with even more beautiful things on the horizon.
Sending you peace, clarity, and prosperity. Soak yourself in the spring rains, feel cleansed and renewed. *hug*
My social work jobs always paid peanuts. Literally -peanuts. Hope you find something with a better wage!
If you want links to frugality blogs, I have a lot on my food blog.
I am sorry for your losses. I hope you found some peace in this day and the ones that followed. Even if it's just a sliver.
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