Wednesday, May 5, 2010

It's a new day-

Sunday I fought all the sadness inside me while I listened to my in-laws harp over pregnant-sister-in-law.

Monday I cried all day over other things- my failure to respond to the medicine, my bad appointment, my lack of options, the knowledge that we are looking at adoption now and we are looking at years and a sum of money that is hard to fathom, for all the children I lost, and all the children I will never have, for the end of an era.

Tuesday, the two year (*sigh*) anniversary of my first miscarriage rolled by- but I had spent all my tears the day before, I had nothing left to give.


Today is a new day.


Today I will polish up my resume, and I will start looking for a better job. I love my current one, but it's minimum wage and part-time. I'll never be able to afford the life I want staying here, as much as I would love to.

Today I will reevaluate our life and start cutting unnecessary spending like a queen.

Today I will take my goal of losing weight more seriously.

Today I will get rid of my last pregnancy book.

8 comments:

WiseGuy said...

AD,

I read through your previous posts as well. I find it so hard to put my feeings in words, because I seem to be repeating myself.

I think you should take a break...a no treatment, no medicine break for a little while.

I hope your resume turns out well.

This is breaking you, and I think you should right now work on yourself.

elephantscanremember said...

(Hugs) I do wish you strength and comfort in the days ahead.

Adventures in Baby Waiting said...

Wishing you peace with finding a new way of life and luck with finding a new job. It is a new day and anything is possible. :)

Bummed Uterus said...

I think it's really important to still keep living the rest of your life even while dealing with the infertility. Of course, it's easier said than done, but I think you are taking some good steps to make yourself happy and that is awesome.

Melis.sa said...

((HUG)) I am sorry for your losses.

I hope that your new resume lands you a better job with even more beautiful things on the horizon.

Keiko said...

Sending you peace, clarity, and prosperity. Soak yourself in the spring rains, feel cleansed and renewed. *hug*

MrsSpock said...

My social work jobs always paid peanuts. Literally -peanuts. Hope you find something with a better wage!

If you want links to frugality blogs, I have a lot on my food blog.

Flying Monkeys said...

I am sorry for your losses. I hope you found some peace in this day and the ones that followed. Even if it's just a sliver.