Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Debating-

I tested yesterday morning. It was negative. I can't decide if it's still way too early, or not. Not really sure which day ovulation occurred after my trigger shot. I had ovulation pain the next day, at night, so I don't know if I ovulated the day after the trigger or two days after. I normally do the day of or after... trigger works fast on me for some reason. But I don't know this time.

To be honest, in my heart I feel like this cycle is a bust. It was a long rocky ride to begin with and all, and I'm just not feeling it.

I will test again tomorrow. Or I'll try to be a good girl and wait until Friday. Haha, as if. I would like to know before Friday. I know I'll end up testing tomorrow... it's me we're talking about.

My bigger debate is what to do next cycle when I confirm this one is a bust. We could try the 200mg again, as it has worked in the past and it worked this time. If it fails we can do like this cycle, except start Femara instead of Clomid the second time. Or I could just go ahead and try Femara and see if it does anything... and maybe switch back to Clomid if it doesn't. I am thinking on it, you can add any opinions and I will listen. Those are the options my doctor offered me. I haven't asked about Tamoxifen (how's that spelled?) since she didn't offer it. We'll see what happens after all this and then consider to ask about that or not. I don't know much about it since you don't hear about it often, but I do follow at least one blogger who has used it- and she conceived the most beautiful little boy from it (you know who you are darling).

In other news- I am bored. I get so freaking bored during the day at home. I didn't want to be a housewife, I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother. There's a huge difference there. I am not cut out to be a housewife- it's very unfulfilling. For me anyway. I'm sure some women enjoy it, I'm not one of them. It's boring. Yeah, I know I'm not a full-fledged housewife because I have a part-time job... but I only work 2 days at week. Graveyard shift at that, so I come home- nap for a bit- then I'm up and at 'em... getting ridiculously bored, that is.

Maybe I should start exercising during the day for a few hours, instead of just cleaning. My boredom could at least benefit my fat ass that way. Just saying. I don't like exercising... because then I have to get out my inhaler and puff on it, make sure I don't overdo it because I don't have anything stronger than my inhaler (and it barely does shit when I'm having an asthma attack... which is why I just generally avoid my asthma triggers- like exercise.) Also, it's not raining anymore but it is really really hot. And my house doesn't have a/c... exercising in a hot house, isn't very fun. It's icky, and I get heat rash. I've always gotten heat rash, and it is not pleasant. But, exercising would give me something to do... I suppose. Maybe I'll try and start doing yoga again. I did like doing yoga.

I would much rather be a stay-at-home mom though.

4 comments:

Keiko said...

I think some ppl think the SAHM/HW thing is easy. I know it was a big shock for a good friend of mine. After 5 years of working full time, she became a SAHM and it was rocky for her the first few months, getting adjusted to such a huge change. It was hard to be social during the day, and by the time her husband came home, she just wanted a little escape from her son (since she spent 8+ hours with him as her only companion).

I can't imagine having to do that but then not have someone to keep you company. I'll share with you the same advice I told her: take this time to stretch your brain. Read voraciously. Pick up a Rosetta Stone language program (they really are the best) and learn a new language. See what adult ed classes are offered at local community centers or colleges. Get a gym membership, or enroll in some workout classes. Advertise on craigslist to find walking or workout buddies. Check out meetup.com - there are a ton of groups you can join or create one yourself. If you've got an artistic side, follow it, explore it, cultivate it. Or, cultivate a garden. If you don't have allergies, get a pet :) I'm a cat person, but maybe you're a dog person. A warm furry friend makes a world of difference. Check out local hiking trails. You can do high-pointing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highpointing).

I know the hardest thing can be motivation, but if you can get your husband on board to maybe share in some of these activities after he comes home or one the weekends, it builds investment for you to keep up with them.

Still crossing my fingers for you for this cycle. Hang in there *hug*

~Keiko

Connie's Confessions said...

I wish you luck on this cycle!! Lots of baby dust coming your way!!

Jessi said...

I don't blame you for being so bored. Gosh, I wouldn't want to be a house wife either unless I had plenty to do besides clean... you're such a good writer, have you thought about writing a novel or something? Maybe do some crafting of some sort... I hope you're able to add SAHM to your title very soon!

Kristin said...

Oh hon...I hope it was just too early and you get a happy surprise.