Well, my BBT is quite the prankster.
No ovulation for me. I guess it really is a good thing I did not read too much into it.
Now the dilemma. I don't want to pay for a progesterone draw, out of pocket, to prove I did not ovulate. I don't want to pay for an ultrasound out of pocket, since my ovaries no longer hurt. Which, by the way, when I asked how that would be coded, should I decide to go through with it? The nurse told me that it would depend on what they found. What the hell? If I'm going in for pelvic pain, you better damn well code it as pelvic pain bitch.
Do I sound whiney, angry, unreasonable? Why yes, I do. I hate sounding like that, being like that... but that's infertility for you. It is unreasonable, it makes me angry, it makes me feel whiney.
I do no want to dip out of my saved money to pay for these things. I don't. I would rather use that money towards home repairs, geared with a future homestudy in mind. It's an old house, it does need a little TLC.
Of course, if I don't get these things done they'll tell me we can't do another cycle. Which, were we even planning on doing another cycle in the first place? I wouldn't mind trying CloMood one more time, for shits and giggles, but at a cost of about $522 just to be allowed to try it? No, I would rather not. Not on a last ditch effort that will likely not pay off. And if we did injectables, it wouldn't be until the end of summer anyway. But right now, this week, money is really tight due to unforeseen bills and expenditures. I didn't set money aside to waste on getting poked and prodded. I wasn't expecting that I would be. I mean, I knew I'd have to get a P4 if I ovulated, and that's fine... but to pay it to show that I did not? That's not only a waste of my money, but it's depressing. Don't try to give me false hope, just accept the hopelessness of it all. I have.
I hate that the nurse doesn't believe me... even though I like to think I know my body.
I hate that I know my body, and have accepted that I have ovaries that sit as quiet as a post-menopasual woman... and that they've been this way since I was 21. Maybe even longer.
I hate that I can't do this thing that seems so simple, that I never doubted I'd be able to do... until I couldn't do it.
I hate this unwanted path, and I hate that I didn't know... I had hope of it leading somewhere better, but I didn't know that it would be a dead end all along.