Sunday, May 4, 2008

The ebb and flow

I have physically known I was pregnant for a week...
and now I physically know I may be having a miscarriage.

First time Ov'ing in a year and a half resulted in a pregnancy,
and may end in a miscarriage.

I don't know right now if my baby is alive or dead...
and I won't know for a couple of days...

and all I can keep thinking is, "Why don't you want to stay with me, Baby? Why are you in such a hurry to leave? Please, please god, let it stay a little longer."

They took an ultrasound... it's still in there, but because I'm not far along they can't tell me if it's alive or not... but it's there...

I thought about that ultrasound picture... and I keep thinking I need it. They have to give me a copy (I had it down in the ER, so they didn't print one out for me... not the way I'd imagined my first ultrasound.) I want it, it may be the only picture I will ever have of my first baby.
And I don't know...
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.

Can you hear me, Baby?
You'll never know how much your mommy loves you.
Please, please, LIVE.

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