July weigh in-

Last week I slacked off pretty badly from my workout and calorie restrictions. A was on vacation and we were running around a lot, so I feel bloated and out of shape. The scale hasn't shown a huge setback for my slip up though (so far) so I need to just get back on the horse. Especially with the jogging, because I paid for my slacking when I got back on there Sunday. I only missed one jog last week, but it was enough to make that jog feel like an impossible feat. Ugh.

I finally bought new shorts. First of all, a little rant. I had to shop at 4 different stores before I found a single pair of shorts in my size. They all told me they got their summer clothes in March, and that they start getting fall clothing in June. Okay, but that's just ridiculous. They stop carrying summer clothes before summer even begins! Seriously, we have two months left of summer and shorts are a rare commidity. The heat index today is supposed to be 104, and we've had this same weather for the last month (drought, extreme high temperature and humidity) and it doesn't have an end in sight! But, no, we totally need to start buying winter boots RIGHT NOW.

They told me I should have bought them in March... I did buy some in March, but I lost weight since then and they don't fit anymore. So, argument fail?

Anyway, I was lucky and found a couple pairs on clearance, that were actually in my size. I felt pretty good in the dressing room. I started in a size 22 in March, and now I'm in a size 18. WOOT! It was a pretty nice ego boost. It's been a hell of a long time since I've fit into a size 18... a good 7 years. I'm smaller than I was on my wedding day now. Not bad! Now if I can just keep going.

I weighed 211 last month, this morning I weighed in at 204.6lbs. So that makes a 6.4lb loss this month.

Since March 17, 2012:
Weight loss: 22.4lbs
Inches off hips: 5
Inches off waist: 4.5

Resetting-

I talked to the nurse today at my ob/gyn's office. I'm rescheduling my appointment for the end of August, and until then I'm just giving my body a break from the pill. I honestly have never had these issues with the pill before. The nurse kept calling it "breakthrough bleeding," and I was like, "Sure, if you want to call it that." Technically it is, since it started when it shouldn't have but it's heavy, and it doesn't just last a couple days, it lasts until I get to the start of a new pack... not my idea of "breakthrough bleeding." I'm almost bleeding more than I'm not.

Maybe giving my body a break will be a good thing. I don't know, it's worth a try. Until then, I guess we'll just use a different method of prevention and hope my body behaves itself.

Frustrations-

I switched to regular birth control pills after I stopped nursing for a lot of reasons. I mean, with my PCOS I needed something to regulate my hormones and make sure I got a period, otherwise when/if I would was unknown. Remember, I stopped ovulating when I was 21, and never got bleeds without using progesterone or fertility treatments to induce one. Now, maybe things are different since I gave birth, but PCOS doesn't go away. So, I also wanted to make sure I didn't get cysts, which I was prone to. Plus, regulating my hormones so that if we decide to TTC again it will be easier, as well as helping maintain my other PCOS symptoms. So again, birth control pills would help me there.

And finally, I do not want to risk getting pregnant right now. Which is weird after spending so many years struggling to bring home a baby. But see, I don't want the emotional or financial drain that another pregnancy would bring right now. I don't want another miscarriage, I don't want to do daily injections, spend over $100 a month on Lovenox, or god knows how much on monitoring and other medications, not to mention my high risk of developing another SCH... I just can not do that right now. I would love another child, but I don't want to deal with all those risks/complications at this point in my life. I think that if things had been easier, if I hadn't went through all the miscarriages, the months of bed rest, or had all these issues that make my uterus hostile, I might be more open to trying again sooner... but this is my situation. And as much as I want another child, I really just want to enjoy the one I have right now.

So, for the last four months I've been on regular birth control, and I've been getting my bleed earlier than I should. The first three months it was a week early, and it lasted two whole weeks. They told me to give it time for my body to adjust, but I've never had this issue in all my time using the pill.

This month, it was two weeks early... and I am going to scream if it lasts three weeks. I swear to you I will. I'm sick of bleeding. I used to go months without a bleed because of my PCOS, and I went on pills to regulate that... so now this is happening? I am at a loss. I don't want to do anything long lasting because we may consider trying again in the next two years. I'm afraid to try anything else hormonal at the point, and starting to think maybe I should just give my body a bit of a break. Then comes the worry about cysts and everything else if I choose not to use something hormonal. I don't know. I have an appointment with my OB/GYN on the 18th, so I think I'll just talk to her then. But I have to do something else, it's obvious my body isn't "regulating" here.

I feel bad ranting here or to anyone else about this. I know it's irrational, but there it is. I feel like such a phony when I complain about my birth control issues, like a hypocrite. I mean, I spent years complaining about my infertility and now I'm ranting about how my birth control isn't working right? I feel like such a whiner, but I am so fed up with bleeding so much.

Our 6th anniversary-

Nine years ago my husband and I became a couple, and six years ago I became his wife. I really don't know where the time went, but it honestly feel like we've always been together. Like he's always been a part of me, and I a part of him.

This year we went on a picnic out at the spot where we got married. I wanted to go last year, but since I was still under restrictions from our rocky pregnancy we were unable to. We took V to the playground while we were there, across from the pine trees we were married under.

It was such a joy to have him there, after spending so many years together wondering if we were ever going to have a child at all. He was cracking us up, and it was a beautiful day.

Inconveniences-

I've been having issues with numbness and pain in my toes. The numbness occurs no matter what I'm doing, but more often when I'm walking/jogging/sitting with my feet propped up. I suspected it may be related to my spine, or circulation, but not being an expert I went to see my primary care physician. She believes it's related to my spine (possible nerve inflammation) because, 1) I have frequent lower back pain that can be unbearable, 2) I've had issues with spinal inflammation in the past, and 3) I have an S shaped curve in my spine due to a moderate case of scoliosis.

So, I get to take a weeks worth of steroids and my doctor had me do a couple x-rays in the meantime just to look things over again.

It's been awful when I jog, because halfway through I lose all sensation in my right toes. It comes back once I cool down and relax, but it's intermittent. Then my back hurts the rest of the night too, so while I feel invigorated from my workout, I also feel run down in general.

I really hope the steroids work.

All over the place-

- My step-sister has a match, as a matter of fact she has a baby in her home this week! They've had one court hearing, but they have several more ahead of them. I believe in our state the final adoption hearing is after 6 months... so crossing my fingers that she doesn't have another disrupted match! He's beautiful, and every update just melts my heart. She's waited 6 years for this.

- We're in the midst of a major heatwave, like most of the US. It's 101F outside right now (and HUMID as hell). We bought a window a/c unit for lack of better options, and turned our dining room into a sitting room since it was the best room for the unit (Oh the joys of a 100+ year old home). It's so nice in here right now though. Not as cool as a home with central a/c, but it'll do! My kitchen feels like a damn sauna. At least V isn't grumpy because it's so hot, and he hasn't gotten heat rash since. Momma is happy about that.

- Rearranging the rooms put me into cleaning overdrive. I've just decided to declutter. Several bags of trash, and boxes for the thrift store later... I have more cleaning to do. Honestly, it's about time. I really need to simplify my life. All this junk just adds to my cleaning, and in recent years I've really come to value the statement "less is more."

- I finally took all the syringes from the fertility treatments/pregnancy and put them in containers for disposal. I have two large laundry detergent bottles full. I've been meaning to get rid of those so many times now, but I'm horrible about follow through. But, this week or next they are out of here.

- For someone who said I didn't think I could ever give myself an injection, I've sure given myself a ton.

- We were going to watch the fireworks tonight, but it's almost 8:30pm and still 101F. Not to mention we have a severe thunderstorm warning, and a messy front is moving in. It should hit sometime soon. The sky is pretty clear, but the radar tells another story. I don't think we'll be going after all. We really need the rain, but I'm hoping this storm is mild.

- V had his 6 month check-up on Monday. He's almost 19lbs and right on track. He had his shots, which made him grumpy. Man, I'd hate to be the nurse that does those injections. That poor woman; he screamed and screamed, then stopped the second she was out the door. I think he's on to her.

- A is taking vacation next week, and our anniversary is next Thursday (the 12th). We don't have any exciting plans, but it'll be nice to just spend some time as a family. I'm trying to think of fun things we can do, but I guess that'll depend on the weather. I can't believe it's been almost six years since we got married, nine since we started dating! That just seems like so long.

- I just bought brand new shorts two months ago, and they're already too loose. Having to buy new clothes because mine are too big? That is an amazing feeling! Heck, I found my old shorts that were too tight in 2010, and they're way too loose now too. Definitely an ego boost. I weigh less than I did when I was pregnant for the first time. I even weigh less than I did at my wedding.

- Sometimes I just need to brag and remind myself that all this hard work is worth it.

Friday night-

Thursday it got up to 105F here, according to the weather reports, with the humidity it "felt like" 112F.

Friday was forecast to be much the same. Heading those warnings, and not having air conditioning in our home, we headed out of the city to cool off with some retail therapy. Poor V had gotten a little heat rash and I was worried about him.

We don't have cable, but I check the weather online. It said we have a 10% chance of thunderstorms. That really didn't seem like a big deal.

When we left to go home it was sunny. It was beautiful, but terribly humid.

When we got closer to our city, we noticed it was dark. I commented to A that it was probably that 10% chance they predicted. We crossed the storm threshold, and the car buffeted almost off the road unexpectedly. We proceeded much below the speed limit the rest of the way into town as branches, hail, and high winds tried to knock us off the roads.

That was the scariest car ride ever.

When we got into town, it was like a disaster area. It was still pouring, there were branches and trees scattered on the roads. There were police and ambulances everywhere. Almost every single streetlight was out. Some streets were flooded. Our side of town got the worst damage; on our street alone there were several tress knocked into people's homes, two taking power lines down with them. We skirted the first one, it was literally on the street, but the second one was next door. A giant tree sized limb had fallen in their yard, taking lines down with it. A giant limb was in our driveway. The photo is our side fence, a limb busted off one of our trees in the front yard and the wind slammed it around to the side of our house and banged our fence up pretty good. There are roof tiles littered in our back yard.

Thank goodness that was the worst of the damage, and that we were okay.

When we got in the house, the power was one but then shut off. It came back on though, and stayed on.

My mom, 30 minutes away in another county, wasn't that lucky; lightning struck their transformer. My cousin and her were without power until midnight. My friend (an hour away) was without power until today. There were street lamps, street signs, utility poles knocked down all over. I know other states got it worse, and I can't even imagine. I mean, I'm in Ohio and we had to declare a state of emergency. Crews were out here at midnight cleaning up this tree and power lines in the neighbors yard. Some street lights are still out.

It was intense.

But we were pretty lucky, considering how bad it could have been. I am super thankful for that!