Uncertainty-

Monitoring appointments were always a bit of a trauma for me. I literally never knew what would happen. My body has always been unpredictable and volatile- one moment doing what you want, the next burrowing down and hibernating. I went into many appointments getting good news, or so-so news, but I feel like I went into many more being told that my body just wasn't doing what it's meant to.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I mean, I have hopes that I'll respond- I took measures to ensure my best chances. I've taken the highest dose, I've taken the Dexamethasone, I used BCPs all year to prepare my body, I've lost weight, I had ovarian drilling in 2010 (which doesn't necessarily mean anything now, but who knows)- but all that isn't a guarantee of response. It's just an assurance that I gave this the best shot possible- I've done what I can.

I don't have a lot of symptoms or side effects from Clomid. I did get hit with the CloMood Weepies the other day, but that could just be my nerves. I've had some bloating and twinging near righty, but again... phantom symptoms much? No hot flashes or anything yet. I did have some headaches, but those have passed.

As much as I hate paying for monitoring, I really do appreciate it. I like knowing what's going on (or not, as the case may be). It takes the suspense out of things. I don't have to worry for weeks and weeks with no temperature rise, I'll know instantly whether I'm responding or not. I can move on to another dose or cycle that much faster. Which is good, especially now, since I'm only doing this for 3 more months this year- in October we'll jump back, but I don't know about the monitoring and everything. I think that if we get to that point, I'd rather start saving for injects in March of 2014. But that's all later- this is now.

Hopefully I'll have good news tomorrow.