Tuesday, September 4, 2012

An Open Book-

I've always been very open about everything I'd been through. From telling close family and friends, blogging about it, sharing on an internet forum, and even talking to strangers when the time is right. Sometimes this has brought further understanding, sometimes I meet someone new who knows what I've went through, often enough I just get comments that relay a lack of understanding. Most of the time, the other person hears me but they never truly listen to what I'm saying. It's hard to keep advocating when every word you say seems to go in one ear and out the other.

This past weekend, I did take a moment and remember that for all the asinine comments I get in return, it's still worth it for those few I reach. I got my hair cut on Saturday and I spent the time talking to my stylist about PCOS and the options out there. She herself had been dealing with it; she actually brought it up. It seemed like she needed someone to talk to, so we passed the time sharing stories about doctors not taking you seriously, and even about our miscarriages. I don't think she's really ever talked to anyone whose been through the infertility ringer. I'm glad I had the chance to let her know she wasn't alone after all.

After that, I woke up the next morning to a message in my inbox from an old co-worker. She had recently been diagnosed with anovulation and needed someone to talk to, she asked for advice. Once again, I was more than happy to share what I know. I haven't heard back from her, but I hope I was able to help.

These are certainly not the first, or I'm sure the last, times that someone has reached out to me. My sister asked for recurrent miscarriage advice for a friend of hers who wasn't getting the help she needed. An old friend from college talked to me about her infertility and how scared she was. I've always shared on the internet, hitting forums and posting on this blog. I like to think in some small way I've given back.

In the beginning I was so lost, and if it wasn't for so many wonderful and patient veterans, I honestly don't know if my son would be here. I don't know if I'd ever have asked the right questions, if I'd ever sought another doctor, I know I wouldn't have heard about my current clinic if I wasn't hitting the forums for references... I'd never even heard of them back then, they were so new!

Neither of those women might have talked to me, or anyone, if I wasn't so open with everything I've went through. If I wasn't posting on FB about the latest articles, sharing my story, openly talking about how my son is my dream come true, maybe people wouldn't reach out to me.

 Infertility is hard to deal with by itself, but so much worse when you feel alone. I'm glad I could help, in my own small way.


Rebecca said...

I've learned quite a bit from the infertile blogging community. We aren't alone.

Ducky said...

Yes! Great post! I wish I could be more open but I admit I struggle with this. However, my BFF works in a crisis center and last weekend a woman (who has a child) brought herself in (this is for people who are suicidal to be admitted overnight) because she'd had an mc at 9 weeks and could not get over it.

My BFF just had a baby last October and never had any issues. But being my friend, she has known all about my struggles. And it made me feel so good because she told me she felt like she was better able to help this woman because even though she didn't go through stuff herself, just knowing how I've reacted to things in the past, she understood the woman better. It made me feel so good, and I didn't do a damn thing.

So I wish I could be out there more about it. I don't know why I'm so embarrassed, but I can't seem to get over it. What a wonderful resource you are for family and friends!

Lissie said...

I feel the same way. A number of people have come to me for info because I am VERY open about it. I feel like I have to make something good come of all my struggles.

Melis.sa said...


I go on the babyc.enter forums and read some of the comments from women who have recurrent m/c and I ask them if they've ever been tested for blood clotting disorders. I don't know if they ever get checked out or not but I wish someone would have said something to me before I had that chemical pregnancy. Finding out during another loss was such a blow.

Cyn said...

And it is those who have been so open that helped encourage me to go public after struggling for years silently with infertility. It makes a huge difference just knowing you are not alone!

Do you have any suggestions on forums to help me get references for clinics. My husband and I have exhausted what our insurance will do and have finally saved up the $ for IVF. But I am having a really hard time figuring out how to pick a good clinic.

AnotherDreamer said...

Cyn, I know I used SoulCysters, since I have PCOS I spent a lot of time there in the beginning. I've also visited theBump's local page (they have for certain cities/states and women there for a lot of reasons). Forums.fertilitycommunity.com is another site.

Mostly I looked for recommendation pages, or a forum that had a decent amount of activity, and checked to see if anyone felt like recommending their clinic or doctor. I talked to several of the posters about their experience with the clinics too, I found that extremely helpful. Sometimes it's hit or miss trying to get recommendations or feedback, not all forums are very active but sometimes it works out great.