It's been over two months now since I had V. We had his well baby check-up the other day, and he's weighing in at 13lbs and 11oz already. He's grown another inch too. His size 3 month clothing is getting snug already. Yikes.
He has a blocked tear duct that's been causing issues, but hopefully he'll grow out of that. He favors laying on his head one way, so it's created a bit of a flat spot there, so that's another thing to keep an eye on.
Watching V grow is wonderful but it's hard too. He's getting so big so fast, and on one hand I love all the little milestones and I can't wait for him to get older so we can do so much more. I can't wait to take him places, to show him things, to let him see the wonders this world has to offer. But then, I want it to slow down because he's never going to be this small again, and I might never have someone so small and beautiful again. I got lucky, but I know that we might not be so fortunate next time. Not knowing if we'll ever have more children weighs on me a lot. I can't help it. I feel like a broken record, but this is something I'm dealing with and trying to process. Infertility didn't magically vanish, it just burrowed into another part of me.
Speaking of things I'm dealing with... My mother has been very trying. As I've mentioned, she is mentally ill. We don't know what she has, since she admits to being on disability for mental illness but then will change her story in the same breath. I wish her social worker could talk to us, I'd really like to know what her diagnosis really is. So, she comes over and visits V a lot now, forgets things, and rambles on like normal. She swears V likes things that I tell her he doesn't, but she thinks she knows better. Yeah, the woman that comes over for an hour once a week knows better than me, the woman who's only been away from him for 2 hours total since the day he was born... right. Anyway, the other day she was holding him, he started crying because of the way she was holding him, and she said that she knows he likes it and kept holding his weird. Which made him cry more. When I said, "Here, give him to me." and held my arms out to take him back, she jerked him away from me.
I almost went off on her, I really did.
I love her, but sometimes it's hard to be around her. Now, with V being here, she's around a lot more often so things get tense more often. With every passing year, her behavior gets worse. She gets frustrated because she doesn't understand things, so she starts getting angry, she gives up and fumes about it for awhile. It can be something as big as political issues, or as simple as buying something. I remember when I was pregnant, she got mad at a drive thru window person because my mom didn't understand that "two separate orders" meant the same thing as "a separate order" and she ended up screaming about the drive thru operator being a stupid bitch, yelling at the poor girl, and then driving off. Because she couldn't understand that it was the same thing, even though I tried to explain it to her. Then she yelled about it for awhile, about how dumb that girl was and so forth. It was bad. I mean, really really bad.
I don't know how things are going to play out in the next couple of years. I know that she thinks she's going to get V for sleep overs, and I can tell you that won't ever happen. She hasn't said anything about it, and I haven't either, nor do I plan to unless she brings it up. But I'm under the impression that she thinks I'm going to hand him over like my brother does with his kids. I just can't do that in good conscience. Just, no.
I know, not really my normal blog content, but something that's been weighing on my mind a lot. Sorry.
I'm just trying to navigate these new waters. I'm a stay at home mom now, no more worrying about work and everything. I love it, really. But it is not without it's challenges, such as seeing my mother more often, or needing more adult interaction (and getting my mother instead ha).
Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to a family get together, which is going to be awkward because of strained family relations. So cheers to that. Then Saturday we plan on getting a new family portrait done. I actually am excited about that. Then we're going shopping for V. The makings of a super busy weekend... hopefully the good will outweigh the bad.