Wednesday, March 21, 2012


V is growing at such an amazing rate. Two weeks ago he discovered his toys, and just this past week he's learned how to spit. Now he plays with his ball all the time, and proceeds to get frustrated because he just can not get it in his mouth. Gotta love that he tries, ha. And the spitting... oh, sweet word. He spits all the time now. There is slobber everywhere. Parenthood... everything I thought it'd be :)

Of course, with his growth comes changes. He's officially too big for his bassinets... I haz a sad. We'll be transitioning him to his playards this weekend. Yeah, I was just not ready to put him in his nursery so we're keeping him in our room a bit longer. I know I'll have to let it go eventually, but he's not even 3 months and I'm just not there yet.

Nursing is on it's way out. As I mentioned, things just aren't going well at all. No matter what I do, I can't seem to make enough. As he eats more, the percent of breast milk he gets goes down. Right now, we're only doing about 50/50. And it really doesn't feel worth the stress it puts me through, not to mention the pain, the time consumption, him being upset with me... I know it's not really worth it. I've just been hanging on because I'm not ready to let go. I only have two days worth of Reglan, so I might stop this week. I may push it for a couple more weeks, but I think I just need to let it go already. I did my best, and that's all I can do.

I have several things I'm mentally processing, but I just don't have time to tend them. I suppose they're for another post.


Missy F said...

FWIW We too had desperate struggles with BF, I beat myself up soooo bad about it (we made it 2 months) and cried for 2weeks straight before I finally let myself stop...we were BOTH so much happier (and healthier for that matter b/c turns out my guy has food protein intolerance and my milk was making him & his reflux soooo much worse)It was a huge relief and ultimately was the best decision for us ; ) You did wonderfully for sticking with it as long as you have & he is better for it, ultimately you both being happy, healthy & well is what is most important! Forgive yourself & know that he will love you no matter the milk ; )

Shannon Ivy said...

I think you are doing great. And the most vital of the breast feedings are the first couple because they pass on a lot of important antigens :)

I can bet the transition is hard, but you guys will do great! So glad most of everything is going okay. And SOOO glad to hear more from you!

Lissie said...

Wow, time is moving quickly! Your guy is such a cutie :)

I can completely understand the stay or go feelings on breastfeeding. I'm working to prepare myself in case it doesn't work well for me. PCOS is such a bummer in so many ways!

The Steadfast Warrior said...

He's getting so big! All those wonderful new things you watch him discover really are the best, aren't they? Sometimes i found all the tiny little things bigger than say crawling or walking. Left me in awe usually. :)

Good for you for making a decision based on what's best for both of you. Whatever you decide, so long as both of you are okay and happy, all is well. :)

Rebecca said...

Hey you tried and tried hard, that is what matters the most. I'm proud of you.