We has our 38 week appointment today. Fundal height was still measuring a few weeks ahead, still not much progress. She did say I was like a finger tip dilated now, but basically no change at all. The internal caused some bleeding and cramping, so that's uncomfortable. Nombie wasn't moving much yesterday or today, so she sent me for a non-stress test. He wasn't moving much, so they startled him awake with a loud buzzer thing, which made him JUMP. After that he moved some more for the test, and then proceeded to get violent hiccups. All checked out okay in the end though, so that was good.
I'm really starting to think this baby is not coming until his EDD or later... I keep telling him he can come a few days early, or you know, a week... but I don't think he's listening. I am just so anxious to get him out here alive and well.
Due to scheduling conflicts I go back on Wednesday, instead of Friday, for my 39 week appointment. Hoping for more progress by then.
I haven't posted about this yet, but I got some bad news the other day. If you remember, my step sister was matched with a birth mother. I was so excited for her. The birth mother was due mid-November, went a bit overdue... well in the end, after delivery, the birth mother decided to parent the child after all. I am just devastated for my step sister. Right around Thanksgiving on top of everything. She has a wonderful attitude about it, but she's still heart broken and my thoughts are with her. I'm letting her decide when/if she can talk to me, because right now she doesn't want to talk about it and I know me being pregnant may be hard for her. But, it's so difficult to see her struggle so much, to get the nursery ready, how excited they were, and now they're back to waiting... I know that there is a baby out there for them, and it's just a matter of time, but I also know that's of little consequence when you're hurting like that. It's just so unfair.
Another friend of mine online lost a child a few months ago. Their daughter was born at 24 weeks, and lived for 3 days. This was their second loss due to preterm labor. They asked people to do a good deed this year in their children's memory, then send them a Christmas card about it, so that on Christmas morning they can open those cards so it will bring them a little joy this holiday. I think it's a wonderful idea, and I can only hope it brings them some comfort.
So many more women I know are struggling with loss anniversaries, another year with empty arms, watching family and friend's lives go on while it feels like theirs is on standstill.
The holidays are hard for so many people, and I know I've had my hardships over the years. I've had 4 winter seasons of sorrow, between infertility and my miscarriages... this season I am so grateful to be where I am. I know that things could still take a turn for the worse, but at this moment things are wonderful. For that, I am thankful. Even so, I don't forget, not for one moment, the struggle that so many are facing this holiday season. My thoughts are with so many, and I can only wish them the strength to get through this. Be kind to yourselves, no matter where you are or what you're going through.