36 weeks +6 days

So, tomorrow is 37 weeks! Very awesome.

I had my weekly appointment today, and the baby's heart rate was good. He was very active too. I'm still not dilated at all, although she did say that it seemed "softer"... but not much progress there, regardless. My fundal height is already measuring 39 weeks now, so still about 2 weeks ahead. I didn't gain any weight at my last appointment, and at this one I'd actually lost a pound. So staying steady there now, which is weird considering how much it sky rocketed the last couple months. But that's good, just the same. Holding at around 20lbs total gain at this point.

I'm also starting to get worried about going overdue. I just have a lot of anxiety about it, that a lot of people just don't understand. It's not about "being done with being pregnant" or anything like that; I worry every day that he stays in me could be his last. I worry about losing my baby, like my sister lost my niece. I know my clotting disorder is being treated now, and hers wasn't at the time... but the fear is there, all the same. The closer we get to the estimated due date, the more I hope he comes just a little early. It's one thing to know the odds, and another to have someone be in those odds or to go through the trauma firsthand. I thought my niece was coming home, and then she didn't... I mean, she was past due, it seemed like such a done deal. I know Nombie is alive today... but what about tomorrow? I don't expect a lot of people to understand, and I know it's a bit irrational, but I can't help it... this is the reality I know.

I am hopeful that he will come home alive though. I am making preparations, putting the final touches on things, and savoring the moment. This month is going to be hard, waiting to see what happens. I'm so glad I'm done with work, so I can just focus on getting through this. I mean, it's not just the worry about going overdue... there's also the worry about labor itself, the weather, when exactly he's going to come... I'm just generally anxious.

I've been working on cleaning the house up and trying to get things ready. Busying myself. I still have quite a bit to do... (*cough-like the car seat installation/inspection-cough*). I keep telling my husband we need to get on that, but we are slacking. Hopefully we'll get to it this coming week? It feels like we still have forever, even though in reality he should be here this month... there are only 3 weeks left until our estimated due date.

As promised, I thought I'd share some nursery in progress photographs. I suck at posting them with text on Blogger... so this may be a mess. Sorry! Also, the shots/angles aren't very good since the room is small/awkward. The first one is the dresser and such, I have a DYI maternity photo of myself and A- on it, as well as three cardinals I bought... I had to represent the babies we lost too. There's a metal tree on it, with picture frames for a family tree. I bought that a long time ago for when we had kids... before infertility. It's sat hidden away for so long.

The photos on the wall I found online and printed off of some old vintage birds. I had some old frames around the house, so we just spray painted them to match the room. I did put a quote on the far left one, it says, " 'Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.' - Winston Churchill."

The second photo is the crib... with stuff in it that won't stay in there when the baby sleeps in it, but I thought was cute for now. I already had all those C.are Be.ars. One of them is even from when I was a baby. The bassinets aren't staying in there, one is going in our bedroom and the other downstairs in our living room- I'm just keeping them in the nursery until we need them. So just picture the room without all that chaos.






The final photo is the glider and changing table. As I said, the room is small/awkward, so that's the best I could do to get that wall. The glider was refurbished; we sanded it down and spray painted it brown. The changing table came from my cousin. I'm also storing our holiday shopping in there, so ignore that mess too (I feel like I'm saying that a lot!).

We got a lot of stuff as hand me downs, bought used, or were given to use and refurbished. I think we only bought a couple of things new, like the dresser and the crib. Which helped out so much, given the financial situation that our SCH had sent us into. I'm very happy with how everything has came together too. After I pidddle around in there setting things up, I like to sit in the rocker and just look at it all. It makes me happy.

Plus, I sort of have to sit down because doing the simplest things make me tired and sore these days haha.

Oh, and a belly/tree shot :)

When I see this one, I just keep thinking, "I'm averting my eyes, oh lord!" hahaha. Thanks Mo.nty P.ython.