Here's me from today, 30wks + 1day. We'd just gotten home from the baby shower, so I still had my button on.
The shower went alright, it was very... awkward. It could have been worse though, so I'm not going to complain too much.
My mother had a few moments where she couldn't understand what was going on, and we got her set right before it turned into a blowout and she got too disoriented. I was hoping I was the only one that noticed, but A- and my best friend commented on it. A- knew where it was heading, and my friend knew enough about my mother to know too... the rest of the guests had no idea the near melt-down/tantrum that was averted.
Less than half the invitees showed up, which again was expected.
However, it was weird. The shower was for my baby, but most of the time people talked amongst themselves... like, I really didn't do much talking at all. Heck, most people didn't ask about Nombie, or talk about our pregnancy. It made the whole issue of "awkward conversation" null and void, since there really wasn't that much conversation with me at all? Which, as I said, strikes me as odd to begin with... but it's over now.
While I was opening gifts most of them were busy fawning over the new nephew and talking loudly about him. This pissed my best friend off, since the shower was for our baby. I have a kind of "meh" attitude about it; at least it took the focus off of me... I hate being the center of attention. But I also feel a little cheated, since this was supposed to be about celebrating Nombie. And since no one talked about him, or paid much attention during the gift opening, it makes me wonder what exactly we were doing there?
Why yes, I am a little conflicted... and not quite done processing what just happened.
I'm thankful they made the effort, that nothing disastrous happened, and for the company/gifts. The cake was nice (and yummy); Nombie was happy about that too. Very happy.
And... yeah. So I guess it was, umm, nice?
I think I'm just going to continue processing this.
9 comments:
I'm glad nothing exciting happened at your shower. It stinks that Nombie wasn't really the guest of honor, but with all that you were worried about, I'd guess that even that might have worked out for the best. It just means that those of us who care about you deeply but live super far away can give you a virtual shower where we fawn over him when you share photos!!! (I will GLADLY give him attention long-distance as long as you share photos!!
I'm glad there was nothing disastrous that happened but it's a damned shame they didn't try to make you feel really special. You look absolutely amazing.
I'm glad you got your baby shower! I wouldn't know how to accept everyone's behavior, myself. I'd probably be pissed because its something we've been waiting for years for. Maybe they didn't know what to say with your history but there are still things they could've talked with you about other than the new nephew! Keep chuggin'! Glad to see a pic! You look awesome!
"The cake was nice (and yummy); Nombie was happy about that too. Very happy."
That is good. Silver lining, I suppose?
You look gorgeous, btw.
This chatter among relatives befuddles me sometimes. People just need an occasion to gather and they will manage to discuss anything and everything. How about being witness to a gathering after a funeral and people talking about eligible children or about whatever happened at someone's place or so on and so forth.
I am glad your mom could not wreck the kind of havoc-meltdown that was possible. Also glad that hubby and friend understood and stayed at your side. Crisis averted, cake enjoyed, gifts brought home - that's good.
love your pic . you are beautiful with nombie :)
showers are just that . you come you talk you give a gift you eat.
though they could have made you feel a bit more special . but people can weird about such things too if they feel odd or well just plain selfish with their own feelings.
I am glad though you had had yummy cake :)
I soooo get this, my mother too has "issues" not just little ones, major on meds and in therapy issues and my shower was AKWARD...blows, but like you was so glad things went o.k. on shower day itself. Nothing like finally getting ready to parent your own long awaited baby while having to worry about parenting your parent ; ) I get it, I'm glad you made it thru, I'm happy you and nombie are doing well, cheers!
I've noticed that often parties that are thrown in one's honor are rarely for the one being honored but are more of a gossip session. Well at least the parties I've attended including the ones thrown for me.
Its really too bad though that more attention wasn't given to you when you were opening up the gifts that they gave you. I would have thought that they would at least be wanting to know if liked what they gave you.
I am quite thankful a meltdown with your mom was avoided.
Did you get many photos taken of the shower?
I'm glad you made it through without much trouble. You look adorable!
Thank goodness this is over, you got through it with your Mom, and the wondering how it will go - at least! - is over.
For me, it is extremely hard to have one foot in "both worlds." I used to be able to handle going to parties and showers, even if they were never really my thing. I prefer time with one close friend, easily.
However, now gatherings like this feel increasingly artificial, forced, and fake. I think it's because there's so much grief inside. Even if I put on the game face, the inside is so different. I have less patience for that as time goes on. Events where the conversation is shallow are harder to bear than ever.
I don't relish trying to jam grief and celebrating up next to each other. It doesn't work. Not in my heart, at least.
By the way - I'm not saying at ALL that you aren't fully joyful about Nombie and wanting to celebrate him. It is just that you celebrate him with the realities of all that went before...
Does this sound a little weird? I think I'd enjoy a gathering of grieving people best. At least we'd be on the same page and the "fake" would be less!
As you process your experience more, what has been coming up? What kinds of questions or conversations do you wish had come into that day?
You made it through - and you look cute, too. :)
Cathy in Missouri
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