Today my heart goes out to those parents that have lost their children, whether it in the early stages of pregnancy, late term, or after birth. A loss is a loss.
I like to take today as a way to remember and raise awareness. People know that pregnancy loss happens, that infants pass away- but what they don't always realize is how often this happens. Every single person out there knows someone that has lost a child, even if they don't always know it. We're not alone in this; those who have lost might not always talk about them, but you are never alone.
If you are one of the many grieving and have come to my blog today, let me say it again: You are not alone.
Often this grief is isolating, it feels heavier by the silence. Whether we speak about it or not, we're often met with a brick wall- people neither know what to say, or how to react, when we tell them "I lost my baby." Often a simple, "I'm sorry," would suffice, a shoulder to cry on, letting us talk about our children. What we don't want are platitudes. We don't want to hear how it could have been worse, or how we're lucky we can try again, or any other bull shit. Our babies died, and they aren't ever coming back. What we need is to grieve.
I get tired of being told to move on, that it's okay now... because it's not okay, I should have an almost three year old, I should have a child turning two, I should have a one year old... but I don't. Yes, I am pregnant now- and I am thankful for every single day that this child is still alive inside me. But he is not a replacement for his brothers and sisters, he is his own precious being. We wanted them all. We still miss them. Their existence changed our lives forever.
My niece would have turned 13 this year. Instead, we remember that 13 years ago she lived inside my sister's womb. She was born, but she was born silent. My nephews know their sister existed; they came later, never met her, but they love her just the same. Her ashes rest with them, her memory with all of the lives she touched.
And today, my heart goes out to all of you who have lost, whether it was your own child, a family member's, a friend's (because our losses are never just our own). My heart broke so many times this year, and years past, when my friends have lost. So many fellow bloggers, women from my support groups, my friends... it's unfathomable sometimes. And I stand with you today to remember. I stand here to let others remember too- we are not alone.
At 7pm I will be lighting a candle for the three pregnancies I have lost, the children I will never meet. I will be lighting this candle for my niece. For my friend's children. For all the children lost. I invite you to join me, wherever you are, to remember.