Monday, August 8, 2011

Emotionally draining-

It's amazing how filling out a simple questionnaire for a new doctor can be so emotionally draining. I know that it's hard, it's not the first time I've had to fill these things out, but some days they're just harder to fill out than others.

I'm going to the Maternal Fetal Medicine center in less than 12 hours for my level 2 ultrasound. They mailed me some paperwork to fill out before the appointment, which doesn't seem like a big thing. But then I get into it, and I just want to stop answering the questions. I get so tired of answering them, retelling the stories, reliving it.

Number of pregnancies: 4
Number of living children: 0
Explain: ... (*sigh*)

Then I have to tell them what my diagnoses are, what medications I'm on, what surgeries I've had... The boxes are so small, and my history is too big for them.

That's kind of how I feel about my life though, I've went through too much in 4 years. The years were too few for me to deal with this, not enough time to grieve or to process. Every year, the lists got bigger... the explanations longer. Which in some ways was good because it meant we were getting answers. But in other ways, it just made things harder.

I know I've posted about this before, but honestly I just really needed to get it out right now, because I know that despite filling out this paperwork... they're probably going to ask me a billion questions about it again tomorrow. They always do. I hate that. Why ask me to fill it out, if you're going to verbally ask me about every single detail again?

I'm so tired of having to rehash this out. I've had to retell my story so many times this pregnancy; constantly retelling it to different nurses, doctors, questionnaires. I feel like I should just print out a handy sheet and start passing it around. Before this pregnancy, I didn't have to retell it so often. I had my doctors, and they knew my history, and we knew what the plan was. Suddenly I'm having to tell my story left and right to total strangers, defend my doctors decisions to have me on certain medications, deal with people who have no idea about fertility treatments or clotting disorders... it's exhausting.


Stinky said...

Hope the Level 2 scan goes fab-ly.

I hear the pain - I have found telling and retelling the story to lots of different people quite desensitising (a good thing, for me!) until they scratch the surface into feelings and emotions. Not many doctors, if any, will do that though!

Shame you can't get a changeable stamp with all the current info on. Hope they're able to join you with where things are at

And yay to half-bakedness last post, awesome!

St Elsewhere said...

Good Luck! And so sorry for you having to relive it all.

Hey Nombie, be good.

Celia said...

That's why my Mom hates going to a new dr. Even though she has been sober for four years, because of her liver failure it's the same thing over and over.

This time at the obs they went over mmy history with me verbally and when I heard third pregnancy, one child it made me feel so vulnerable.

Shannon Ivy said...

You had a good idea there... type up a detailed report that you can update and print out as need and just attach to the forms instead of rehashing everything on the forms. It might remove a bit of the anxiety for it.

Lissie said...

They really need to actually read that stuff! I have always hated that. What is the point?!?!

Rebecca said...

Actually typing it into a word file on your computer and printing out an updated copy to give to the doctor/nurse/tech isn't such a bad idea. I use the excel app for my medication list and update it just before I have to see a new doctor. They love that they have the sheet to put in my file for reference. I have my complete family medical history that I keep in a notepad. I should probably type it into a word file too.