Thursday, February 17, 2011

Decisions, decisions-

So apparently I tested positive for MTHFR A1298C awhile back. But it's the least worriesome of the lot, so my doctor isn't concerned with it. I still would have liked to know though. Meh. I'm already on low dose aspirin because of the PAI-1 4g/5g I have. And I already take prenatals with high folic acid, as she said, so it should be covered. If I ever do get pregnant Lovenox has been on the table for awhile, and I think with two minor clotting factors (and the uterine septum resection) I'm even more inclined to take it if I get pregnant.

We're still thinking donor embryos are going to be the best bet for us. However, she did mention she may have some injectables for me to do another cycle, and while I was on the fence about it I decided to go ahead and take them. So, waiting on blood work to clear me to start Provera and then we'll do a final injectable cycle.

She's going to have billing call me to talk to me about fees and costs for both IVF and a FET (which we'd need for donor embies). IVF is pretty much not an option for us, but I'm going to find out costs of everything to weigh all options.

She really couldn't give me an idea of our odds of success since we have no idea why I keep miscarrying. I mean, we know what the tests have said but in the end who knows what actually caused what, could have just been chromosomal. So... tough decision. If it was just infertility the decision might be easier, but with recurrent miscarriages the risks of it not working are compounded. I mean, maybe I have a 45% chance of pregnancy, but no one has any idea what my odds of carrying to term are. In theory I should be able to, I mean we know about my clotting disorders and we've had my septum resected, my odds should be normal now... but... my odds will never be "normal". Not without knowing what the hell keeps happening for sure. We can guess and guess and guess, but we are not 100% sure what ended each pregnancy. And if it will happen again. In theory I should be able to carry to term, I just haven't.

It's really a gamble no matter what we do. We bet roughly $5,000 on a 40% chance of pregnancy with donor embryos, or $10,000 on IVF for the same chances but with our genes. Those odds don't include our risk of miscarriage.

Then there's $16,000 (plus birth mother expenses) for domestic adoption through the agency I'd be using, with a 100% guarantee of a child.

Decisions decisions.

The more I think about things, the more I've realized something: I want another chance at being pregnant. One of the things I hate is that pregnancy is a horrible thing for me now, it makes me remember the 6 hours of contractions from the second miscarriage, what I went through, with all of them- it's just really hard. I know that those memories will always stay with me, and it's always going to be hard and a successful pregnancy isn't going to fix that, but I want to experience a successful pregnancy. Just once, I want it to work. I hate that those memories are all I'll ever have, that I'll never get that experience of it working.

6 comments:

Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

Wow - what a hard decision. Go with your heart and I know you will make the right one! (HUGS)

Melis.sa said...

I'm surprised they didn't call you and talk to you more about the MTHFR thing though. That would've made me angry :)

I thought most RE's recommended Folguard (sp?) for that?

Also, question, did you start on Lovenox after your BFP's? I didn't know about my clotting issues until after my 2nd miscarriage. When I got this last BFP my RE started me on Lovenox after my first beta.

Maybe that will be the missing element???

I'm two years past my first miscarriage but I still remember the contractions waiting to pass everything. I had vico.din too and they still hurt like a muther.

((HUG))

I hope you get some answers and figure out something that will bring you a little bit of peace and reassurance.

Celia said...

As open as I was to adoption ( my husband less so) I felt driven to give birth. I think if it is something that is calling to you, you will always want it and so should try as long as your heart can handle it. If it were me, I would try for a successful pregnancy with donor eggs, because that is the cheapest- and will rule out if you are having chomasomal issues. Then if that worked in a few years I would try IVF because you would know that you could carry to term. Who knows, you might have a different insurance then. If the donor eggs did not work I would go straight to the 16 grand birth mother 100% route.

Glass Case of Emotion said...

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Camel said...

Don't give up if in your heart of hearts you want to know what it's like to carry your baby. The past too many years I had miscarriage after miscarriage, even an abdominal ectopic just for the fun of it and now I am finally 31 weeks with a healthy baby girl. I have PAI 4g/4g (the "bad" one), hypothyroid, and for MTHFR I have an A and C mutation. A long story short, I was finally given a drug on a whim (hydrocortisone) by my reg. doc who used to do OB. He said it made people ovulate before they had clomid and thing. So I took it, why not? For the first time in my life I had regular periods, could sleep, had energy again and got pregnant. Started my lovenox (and I always take baby aspirin and folic)We moved and I could only get in with an RE so I went and when I told him about these things he checked a special progesterone level. Called me later that day and said, it should be less than 10 and yours is 1803...you have late onset congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH)An 8 dollar prescription miracle after all these fertility treatments. My thyroid kept getting better and better even though I was pregnant and most importantly, I haven't miscarried. I know this is long, but I read your blog all the time and I know exactly how you feel. Saving more money for IVF and you wonder, is it worth it to spend so much when you might just miscarry again? But I wanted to at least know once what it would be like and I wasn't ready to give it up. So don't give up if you aren't ready. People never think twice about taking out a 30,000 dollar loan for a car...why not for your child? That can mean for fertility treatments or adoption. My sister has adopted all her children and they are worth every tear and penny. I don't regret spending thousands a month because it ha gotten me to right where I am today...Big hugs and email me if you ever want to know more or have a question.
Your lurker friend,
Suzanne

iamstacey said...

I vote with Celia. She said exactly what I was going to say - that's what I would do. I'd try with donor egg or embryo adoption (we were thinking embryo adoption), and if successful, I would try IVF again with our eggs and sperm.
It's such a personal decision, though. I can only say what I think I would do. Go with your heart!